Mother-in-law sends worst email ever to bride: forgivable?

Mother-in-law sends worst email ever to bride: forgivable?
by Piper Weiss, Shine Staff, on Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:26pm PDT




New term: mom-zilla. We know all about temporary bridal insanity, and the underreported groom version, but in some families, it’s the parents who are seized by irrational wedding meltdowns.

Last month, 60-year-old British florist and total mom-zilla, Carolyn Bourne attacked. After her stepson’s bride-to-be, Heidi Withers, was a guest in her house she had a thing or two to teach her before she entered the Bourne family.

So Bourne sent the 29-year-old a soul-crushing email. The subject line: “Your lack of manners.” The bullet points for the bride, in paraphrase: her wedding is going to be tacky, she’s too picky of an eater, her sense of humor sucks, and her stepson is making a dreadful choice in marrying her. And one more thing: her out-of-work parents are cheap.

When Withers received the email (Bourne sent it three times to be sure) she did what anyone would do: she forwarded it to a few friends to share in the shock. What was the alternative —respond with a 'frowny' face? But instead of simply offering advice, some anonymous friend got pro-active and forwarded Bourne’s e-attack, launching a viral sensation in a matter of hours. Now everyone in the Western Hemisphere has laid eyes on Bourne’s email.

In a way, it’s the ultimate revenge on a mother-in-law who needed to be put in her place after such power-mongering. But it’s not going to make for smooth wedding. Bourne has been labeled the mother-in-law from hell by media outlets and Withers’ father Alan has fueled the fire by publicly calling Bourne “Miss fancy pants." Now parents on both sides of the couple are fueding and nobody's manners are in check. Suggestion for Heidi and Freddie, her groom: elope.

Bourne has told London's Telegraph she still plans to attend the wedding, but will maintain a "dignified silence." She may know about English etiquette but she’s clueless about the cardinal rule of the Internet: never send an email you don’t want the world to see. You almost have to feel bad for the lady, mom-zilla or not. That is, until you read the actual email she sent Withers. Here’s an excerpt:

from: Carolyn Bourne
to: heidi withers
subject: your lack of manners

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

Ouch. There's no denying it's harsh, but if you've ever been in the line of fire in a wedding party, you know marriage anxieties strike darkness in the hearts of man. What do you think: Is this mom's email forgivable?

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/mother-in-law-sends-worst-email-ever-to-bride-forgivable-2504517/

"Worst email ever"? I don't think so. This is another case of only hearing one side of the story. Maybe Ms. Withers really is a low class slob. Mrs. Bourne's mistake was not telling her future daughter-in-law (if the wedding ever takes place now) all this face to face. Not because her email went "viral". Because she should have had the courage of her convictions to say these things while looking the other person in the eye.

LOL. Wow.

Pretty nice smiles for a couple of Brits.

Alan Smithee wrote:"Worst email ever"? I don't think so. This is another case of only hearing one side of the story. Maybe Ms. Withers really is a low class slob. Mrs. Bourne's mistake was not telling her future daughter-in-law (if the wedding ever takes place now) all this face to face. Not because her email went "viral". Because she should have had the courage of her convictions to say these things while looking the other person in the eye.

Reading the old prig's message I could see where it was coming from and we don't know just what abhorrent behavior incited it. But, such criticism in a family should be face-to-face. (Unless the girl was flashing her Walther PP that she carried in her purse - but that wasn't mentioned in the e-mail as rude behavior)

I'm sure that's a long way from being the worst ever. Some of the points were valid but I agree it should have been done face to face.

That woman is a coward.

I don't think it's the worst ever and yes there are two sides to everything. What the mother-in-law needs, though, is a lesson in tact. There are polite ways to phrase everything she said and proper ways to go about things. She does have some good points, but she really went about things in the wrong way.

I agree with those who said it should have been face to face. There are more issues here than just the future mom in law thinking the bride to be needs better manners. She is step mom to the groom anyway, so I suspect maybe some jealousy or something else going on.

How shitty is that friend who forwarded that email? Wow. I think that is unforgivable, to be honest.

Wow. That email was a bit on the frosty side.

I suppose the email was harsh and all, but was it that interesting to become a "viral sensation", as they said? And how does this spell out the "ultimate revenge?" The mother-in-law made her vicious points, if anyone should be embarrassed by all this, it's the daughter-in-law-to-be.