Surprise guests....yea or nay?

I can not stand someone that lives here who pops by, let alone someone who's in town and let's me know when they get here. It doesn't happen often, but with a couple from the town I went to high school in, they do it about every 18 months, in addition to their annual planned visits. And I am suspect that they are planning to "surprise" me tomorrow.

She's texted often tonight to see what I am doing this weekend and questioning the timing of my plans. And I suspect Dad may be coming with them. I already have a high school friend coming Sunday to meet at the amusement park, so hopefully that makes the other couple, with Dad in tow, stay away.

For the most part, nay. There are only a few people who I would be fine with showing up unexpectedly at any moment. A very few. The rest of time I need to know (and approve) at least a day in advance.

For the most part, no - cna't always guarantee I'll be home so if you don't call ahead, don't expect me to be there. Can you be out of the house tomorrow, Red, in case they stop by? Just say you didn't know they were coming and didn't know they'd expect you to be home but if they'd called ahead, you'd have made sure you were there?

Well, I can't due to her having my cell number. And she loves to ride in a vehicle. So, they live three hours away, but her sister lives half way between, so if they miss me, they will probably just head back North to her sister's.

I feel kinda bad...they are very great people. But I don't enjoy hosting them so much. For example, four weeks ago, on my birthday weekend, they invited themselves. I actually did lie and say my son had an event out of town on Friday night so they wouldn't be here the full weekend. And her kids are just a tad younger than I am and they don't treat her well. Her daughter does better than the son, but overall, they are never treated well. And because they are so nice, I treat them very well when they come, and they enjoy that. And they honestly are very sweet people. They have been awesome to my parents for years, and now that just Dad is still alive, Dad tolerates them, but isn't always as appreciative of all they do for him, as he needs to be, so the obligation falls kind of on my lap for that, I guess.

Sorry for the long vent! Fingers crossed, they find another adventure tomorrow that does not include my city!

That makes it tough, then, Maybe you can only be available for part of the day? Let them know you have to be somewhere at a certain time. Sounds like they're lonely and reaching out to you because you're nice, unlike their own kids.

TSJFan4Ever wrote:That makes it tough, then, Maybe you can only be available for part of the day? Let them know you have to be somewhere at a certain time. Sounds like they're lonely and reaching out to you because you're nice, unlike their own kids.

Yah, if she does call or text saying they are on their way, I will make some Saturday night plans up! But they would probably be fine with just staying here alone! While they are such kind people, the wife is so assuming. She just imposes herself. All the time. Even when we are at Dad's. They live about five miles from Dad, and have actually pulled their camper there to stay the weekend while we are there, visiting Dad. It is just so imposing all the time. Yet, they drop whatever they are doing when Dad needs something.

To answer the question, we do have one friend who drops by but she will at least call first. If we have other plans, we tell her. No biggie. Sorry, Red but sounds like the pattern was set a long time ago. Have you ever tried telling them (with your fingers crossed behind your back) that as much as you love to see them, you're often aren't around and could they please plan there visits because you would be "heartbroken" if you missed them because you didn't know they were coming? It sounds like it probably wouldn't matter to them though. The precedent was allowed to be set a long time ago. Tough situation because of what they do for your dad. Hey, but have a great weekend

Marc™ wrote:For the most part, nay. There are only a few people who I would be fine with showing up unexpectedly at any moment. A very few. The rest of time I need to know (and approve) at least a day in advance.

Knowing me, I don't answer the door anyway.

Marc wrote:For the most part, nay. There are only a few people who I would be fine with showing up unexpectedly at any moment. A very few. The rest of time I need to know (and approve) at least a day in advance.

Same here. If it was an old communal friend (flaky) that showed up and discovered I was here they would get a pass. However, anyone with regular communication would know to give me a heads up.

Once, in the '70s my stepbrother showed up in New Orleans unannounced. I was at work and got a call from my partner Jim that he was at the apt.

No prob for me or Jim - we had lived in crash pads and communes at the time. However, we had a one-room apt and I had to inform my brother that Jim and I were really close when we shared the double mattress on the floor and bro was on the couch right next to us.

IDK if bro ever told anyone else in the family what he found in my closet. Everyone assumed that Jim and I were 'roommates.'

Alan Smithee wrote:To answer the question, we do have one friend who drops by but she will at least call first. If we have other plans, we tell her. No biggie. Sorry, Red but sounds like the pattern was set a long time ago. Have you ever tried telling them (with your fingers crossed behind your back) that as much as you love to see them, you're often aren't around and could they please plan there visits because you would be "heartbroken" if you missed them because you didn't know they were coming? It sounds like it probably wouldn't matter to them though. The precedent was allowed to be set a long time ago. Tough situation because of what they do for your dad. Hey, but have a great weekend

Oh, gosh, Alan, I love your wording on that! I am thinking at this moment, "why the hell didn't I think of that." I am SO going to tell her that. As it turned out, they went to Milwaukee to his sister's house. And they did want to come here after that visit for a Sunday night place to stay, but I was a total liar, and said that nobody can be here Monday morning because the guy we lease from is thinking of selling and is showing the place! Such an elaborate lie, but it was what I came up with!

I dont really like surprise guests. Sometimes you gotta be "prepared" for company. Showing up unannounced and more importantly uninvited is what you call RUDE!

Marc wrote:For the most part, nay. There are only a few people who I would be fine with showing up unexpectedly at any moment. A very few. The rest of time I need to know (and approve) at least a day in advance.

I need to know when someone's coming. Showing up out of the blue is very inconsiderate, and it may be an uncomfortable visit, as I'd probably be slightly annoyed.

NAY! NAY! NAY! NAY! NAY!

I think surprise guests were a much more accepted thing back in our parents (and grandparents) time, because life was simpler and there was usually someone home (homemaker) to keep the premises better prepared. But even all those decades ago MY mother hated surprise visits.

And I hate surprise visits. My husband's family is particularly bad about not wanting to give notice, and it has caused hard feelings.

I'm around numerous people 5 days a week. When I'm a way from work I value my time and don't want to drop everything to share it.

In my hometown, it was normal to have unexpected guests.

When I left the city and moved to the suburbs, it was a huge social faux-pas.