Racism in dating

I saw this posted at a dating site:

Ok im going to get on a soapbox for a minute because of some things that have happened to me recently so please forgive the rant.

I know some people are not comfortable with dating outside their race and as Americans, we are all entitled to our opinions, likes and dislikes. My problem is the way its communicated. I have gotten replies back form women that range form very respectful, to downright KKK propaganda. For what reason? If you arent interested in someone, why not just say that politely and move on. However to get "go back to africa", "find a date at the gorilla cages at the zoo", and "what self respecting woman would date a N@#$#@", are uncalled for.

True, everyone is here on this site for different reasons. Some to chat with friends, others to lurk harmlessly in the background, some for the forums, and yes hard to believe but some to actually date. Have we as a society become so numb to others feelings that insults can be flung so carelessly and with so much venom? Have we forgotten that a young lady killed herself over comments made on a myspace page? Im not saying that im so depressed or upset that im thinking thoughts of suicide, but c'mon people, words hurt regardless of age or social status.

I can tell you from personal experience I do my best not to discriminate against anyone based on anything because I am a black male in this society. I just would think after the American people made such a huge statement in the elections, attitudes would have been a tad bit more receptive. Yes we have come a long way, but after whats happened here and on a few other sites to me in the last week or so, I see we as a country, still have a long way to go.

Ok I will step off the soapbox. If my comments have offended anyone I do apologize. That was not my intent. However, if Ive made at least one person stop and think, thats all I wanted. Thanks for letting me rant.

I used to work at a bookstore in college, and there was this 'Swingers' magazine that the store carried. Basically a magazine where couples placed personal ads, looking for third parties to join them in bed. One of my co-workers picked it up and looked through it, and said something like "Damn, there's a bunch of racist comments in these ads." I looked for myself, and a number of them said 'No Blacks' or 'No Asians.' I didn't know whether to shrug my shoulders and blindly dismiss it as 'preference,' or to not try and stifle how annoyed I was reading it. Everyone has their tastes and preferences, and what have you, but I think tact is always good. Sometimes you don't say certain things to, or in the vicinity of, certain people.

I HATE racist people. Boils my blood. I think everyone is entitled to date whatever their type is and to shun whoever isn't, but no one should be enough of an asshole to say WHY they're rejecting them. A simple "not interested, thanks" works.

Wow - I can't believe people would be like that. Just say "no thanks - I'm not interest" - why all the racial remarks? Sickening! Hard to believe that still happens today, though I know it does. Just doesn't make much sense. Just say no, without resorting to racist remarks.

That is pretty ridiculous that people were posting that on a dating site to this guy's messages. But, any message board that is huge (like IMDb) people are going to come across that. I am not saying it is right, just that the bigger the population of posters, the more horrid hate that is spewed by people who are hateful.

Yeah - true - there are bigots and racists everywhere. I've seen some pretty nasty things myself - not always racially directed but telling other posters they deserve to be raped? That's pretty sickening, and the mods doing nothing about it, so yeah - I shouldn't be surprised.

It sounds like the people on the dating site were just racist and crude all around. That's horrible!

The thing in the personal ads, I don't know how to feel about that. I'm sure there were ads that said things like "blonde, fit, petite, no body hair" too, and maybe in that situation race is more of a description? I would never, ever have thought to say "no _____" if I were writing an ad like that, but I'm not as picky as some people I guess.

My thing is not so much your "preference" (and I put preference in quotations for a reason), but more than how you present it. Everyone in some way or another has a "type", and no one expects you to date or fuck who you ain't attracted to....however, it's both arrogant and ignorant to make a pronouncement about how you're NOT interested in certain "types", especially if they're inherent. Some things should be kept to oneself.

Take for instance, if you're not interested people who're overweight or short, you don't say "I'm not interested in fat people" or "I'm not interested in short people". That's condescending and rude. If you're approached by someone who is short or fat, then politely decline the same way you would if you were approached by someone who wasn't short or fat, but for whatever reason you still weren't feeling. No need to act as if if you don't state these stipulations, hordes of these people are going to blow up your spot. Man get over yourself, not really....especially if you note the type you ARE looking for. The same applies to racial "preferences". If by chance you just happen to get approached by someone who you a racial bias against, then just say "I'm not interested," and keep your reasons why to yourself. How difficult is that?

The examples listed in that article are purely racist. But it is not racist, in and of itself, to not be attracted to somebody of a different background. We can't help who we're attracted to.