Are the most sucessful marriages more tolerant of lies and disrespect?

And by 'successful,' I more mean long-lasting. If a couple has been married for sixty years, they undoubtedly have a strong, spiritual bond, but on the other hand, when you spend that many years married to someone, how likely is it that at some point(s) one–or both–have acted out in a way that was so blatantly disrespectful to their spouse and the relationship that it would have been fair grounds for divorce? Were our grandparents generation stronger and more honorable for weathering things like extramarital affairs and domestic abuse in the name of the vows they took, or were they simply repressed by a more narrow-minded, divorce-phobic society that forced people to stay together, even in misery?

I think it was definitely the divorce-phobic society. The stigma associated with divorce was so much different then.

I feel like by todays standards, yes...But I also feel like people are too 'divorce happy' today. IMO, if you decide to get married and you promise to stay together, if you are not being abused and your spouse isn't cheating, then you should find a way to work it out. If you just "aren't happy" then I think that you should exhaust every option for finding happiness before you get divorced, because getting divorced isn't a magic happiness pill. If you try your best and still aren't happy, fine, get divorced, but I don't believe that people who have been married for 2 years have done that.

I guess I'm pretty judgmental about it, but that's the standard that I hold myself to (I don't really care about anyone else's marriage, honestly). I have observed that a lot of men don't treat their wives well, and their wives in turn don't put out and it spirals out of control until no one is happy and it's all really passive aggressive.

When my husband does something that I don't like, I weigh it in my mind the same way I do with my kids..."Is this a battle I want to choose?" and if it is, we talk about it, if it's not, I let it slide. I think that my husband does the same with me. We both put a lot of importance on our marriage and are willing to make small sacrifices because of it. Am I happy with him every minute of my life? No. But when I'm not, we work on it and find a way that we can both be satisfied.

I'd do anything to save my marriage, short of tolerating disrespect or abuse (verbal abuse included). I'm not saying that my husband has never disrespected me, he has in the midst of an argument or whatever, but he always apologizes and it's really rare because we try really hard to "fight fair" and not call each other names and use "I feel" statements and all that. We've been to marriage counseling 3 times (for a few sessions each time) in our 12 years of marriage and I am sure we will go back again.

I really hate the way he washes the dishes, but at least he washes them! (that's an example of me letting something minor slide, lol) He hates the way I sweep the floor into the laundry room and I've been working on not doing it that way when he's around, even though he doesn't complain about it any more.

See, that's us. I know that other people don't have to be the same as us, but I really do believe that you don't HAVE to get married in this day and age, so WHY do it if you don't mean it?

Does seem like the more successful marriages are the one's where the couples put the interests of the corporation that is "the marriage" ahead of their own personal needs or interests. I can't figure out if this is noble or foolish.

Are most sucessful marriages more tolerant of lies and disrespect?

I think the opposite is true. Success shouldn’t be measured by the number of years you were willing to endure being lied to and disrespected. A marriage that ends after 60 years because that “bitch” or that “bastard” finally died isn’t a success at all. It’s a failure to have been happy. Now, tolerance is a major ingredient to a successful marriage but not tolerance to lies and disrespect. And some lies are a useful tool to success. “No, honey, that dress doesn’t make your ass look fat.” “Oh thank you dear…I love the Statue of Liberty earrings did you save the receipt?”

alan smithee wrote:

Are most sucessful marriages more tolerant of lies and disrespect?

I think the opposite is true. Success shouldn’t be measured by the number of years you were willing to endure being lied to and disrespected. A marriage that ends after 60 years because that “bitch” or that “bastard” finally died isn’t a success at all. It’s a failure to have been happy. Now, tolerance is a major ingredient to a successful marriage but not tolerance to lies and disrespect. And some lies are a useful tool to success. “No, honey, that dress doesn’t make your ass look fat.” “Oh thank you dear…I love the Statue of Liberty earrings did you save the receipt?”

this is what I was trying to say but 1000 words less