Or should parents and children have a say?

I think it should be a parent's legal right to make the choice.

I have a friend in this situation right now. His sister is in a coma and her husband wants to remove her from life support and her family wants to give it more time. I don't know a lot of the medical details beyond the fact it's only been one week and she has had a couple responses to stimulation.

So, the family is not able to give it more time, per the husband's insistence in taking her off life support. I can't even imagine being my friend and his family right now.

Legally, I say a spouse should final say, since this is the person they chose to create a life with. Goes back to the whole 'in sickness and in health' line in their vows.

Chris wrote:

Legally, I say a spouse should final say, since this is the person they chose to create a life with. Goes back to the whole 'in sickness and in health' line in their vows.

That's a really good point, Chris. It just totally sucks when the spouse is not being a good person. Add to it, I have a jaded view of marriage most of the time and have seen too many marriages be "temporary" to justify parents having zero legal say in the matter.

Shale wrote:

Most ppl seem oblivious to the need for a living will and because of that all these conflicts arise. Everyone should have a living will, making their wishes known in advance. And just because you are young and healthy doesn't mean to blow it off. Cerebral accidents happen all the time, or any number of accidents. That is what happened to Nancy Cruzon in Missouri and Terri Shiavo here in Florida.

When I was married my wife and I had living wills, both being very specific what NOT to do and naming the other surrogate for health care matters if unable to do it ourselves.

I still have one with my youngest grandson named as surrogate. (After I assured him he didn't actually have to pull a plug - it's a figure of speech).

Shale, that is a really good point too. We all should have a living will. That is the gift we can give our families just in case.

And everyone should tell their adult kids what their wishes are too. I always just assumed my parents wanted a burial because they always said they were going to be buried right by my paternal grandparents. So, it was the night Mom died that I found out she wanted to be cremated, then have the remains buried at some point. It was a difficult time for me to find this out. Anyway, six years later, and she is still in the kitchen. Dad can't bring himself to bury the remains. Which I adore she is still at home. But I would have liked to know about the cremation prior to her death.

Yes unless they stipulate otherwise with an attorney.

If the person hasn't left CLEAR instructions, and the "life support" in question is actually life support and not just simple nourishment, then I suppose a spouse should probably have deciding power, but living parents and children shouldn't be ignored. I say they should have some input too.

Of course, if the person is merely being fed through a tube, nobody should have the power to take that out. That's not "life support" anymore than a salad is life support.

They should confer with each other....but ultimately, it's the spouse's choice. Unless the power of attorney or DNR states otherwise.

I think it should be the spouses choice, when you involve other family members then it gets messy.

Nystyle709 wrote:

They should confer with each other....but ultimately, it's the spouse's choice. Unless the power of attorney or DNR states otherwise.

what are you supposed to do? take a vote? so if a person has two parents, the spouse is overridden?

I dont know. I think people need to express themselves as shale stated. I have had two comas in my family.

The first was a 25yrs old guy whose parents wanted to pull the plug, my sister was 21 and not married to him. She fought them, pledging to be his caregiver. While they were fighting in court, he woke up. He is still severely injured, and she taught him to walk, talk, and do things all over again. he cannot grasp with his right hand, and modified his van/motorcycle but he can drive.

The other was a 25yr old woman who was about to get married. Her fiance said to pull the plug, and the parents did not. That was in 1985, and she is STILL in that coma... the parents are in financial ruins... her mother is dead now... and the father put in his will that her brother will be responsible for her care after his death. Its a sad situation... if she ever did wake, she would learn that her love is gone and lived a life without her, that she will never have children, and her mother is dead. Doesnt sound like a good thing to me.