If a man gets a woman pregnant and owns up to the financial part by paying regular child support but refuses to be emotionally available and involved with the child, would you still consider him a "deadbeat" dad?

Well it's nice if the mother doesn't have to kill herself to make ends meet but kids need far more than just a monthly check.

I think men should be able to "abort" their rights, as women can have an abortion.

I think if a man doesn't want to be there, he shouldnt have to. That includes financial assistance. He should be able to have 9 months from the date of finding out about the child/pregnancy to figure out if he wants a kid. Just as women have 9 months.

But he can't just dip out after say, 2 years and say "Yeah this isnt what I think." Its wrong to be there then turn away.

Well maybe but he didn't ASK to be anybody's dad. Women get to decide on if they're maternal enough to have and keep a child. Men don't because the decision is usually made for them or w/o their final say. So even tho it's sad that he's not interested in being there for the kid, if he's big enough to own up to the financial part so that they can eat and have clothes, that's all anybody can ask for.

femme fatale wrote:

If a man gets a woman pregnant and owns up to the financial part by paying regular child support but refuses to be emotionally available and involved with the child, would you still consider him a "deadbeat" dad?

No. Not at all.

femme fatale wrote:

If a man gets a woman pregnant and owns up to the financial part by paying regular child support but refuses to be emotionally available and involved with the child, would you still consider him a "deadbeat" dad?

I wouldn't consider him much of a "dad".

Not really. A lot if women have babies out of spite and use them as pawns. If hes paying money and didn't go Rambo on you like Rae Carruth....there's not much more you can ask for.

TheEnglishButterfly wrote:

He should be able to have 9 months from the date of finding out about the child/pregnancy to figure out if he wants a kid. Just as women have 9 months.

Sorry but she doesn't have 9 months if she wants an abortion, she has about 4 months, At 4 months in fact an abortion is called a late term abortion.

Suzi wrote:

Sorry but she doesn't have 9 months if she wants an abortion, she has about 4 months, At 4 months in fact an abortion is called a late term abortion.

I didn't make myself clear, sorry. A woman has 9 months to terminate her rights, whether that be by giving the child up for adoption or abortion. A man can't tell a woman not to get an abortion (nor should he be able to). But a man can't also say "No, you can't give that child up for adoption!" And force a woman to keep it. He can keep the child or adopt it out to another family.

So yet, when a woman decides "I want this child" the man has no out. He can't put his child up for adoption if the mother wants it. The mother can terminate her rights no questions asked, again, by abortion or adoption. But the guy cant terminate his rights if the mother chooses to keep the child and that isn't right to me. The woman wears all the rights and choices, and I don't find that fair at all.

Cheaps wrote:

I wouldn't consider him much of a "dad".

He wouldn't disagree with you. He's a sperm donor whose doing the right thing and paying for his mistake.

When I think of the term 'Deadbeat Dad,' I associate with a man who is abusive and criminally negligent to the point where the child suffers. If the guy is owning up to his financial responsibility, then he isn't being negligent. It's unfortunate that a man wouldn't be interested in having a relationship with the child he created, but in this scenario I would label him more absentee than deadbeat.

It's disappointing and nearly tragic that he'd feel that way, but if he's doing what he's obligated to then his hands are clean, even if his conscience might not be. As he grows older, he'll probably regret choosing to not have a relationship with his child and that will be something he'll need to deal with.

Take this into consideration... supposedly it takes over $380,000 to raise a child before college. If you break it down, it comes to about $1750 per month-- divided by 2 parents that equals $875. If the man is not paying $875 per month per child, then he is a deadbeat dad---technically speaking. Most men that I know pay between $150-300 per child. So that nowhere near covers the costs. I mean, add in braces... which my nephews came to $7000 per kid.. and other crap! God forbid if the kid is in dance class, karate, or takes some sort of music lessons. It's ridiculous. That is why i have no kids. Plus, this "he's owning up to it" isnt really always true either. The state comes after them... in some states, if they do not pay child support not only are they thrown in jail, but they can lose their drivers license as well. So just paying the monthly support doesnt really mean they are "nice" guys.

No, a man who has sex with a woman swearing she is on the pill should not feel obligated to see the child he never wanted. Yep, it's on his dumb ass for not covering it with a condom, but it is what it is. She has her right to abort or place the baby up for adoption. But the man hasn't a choice. And it really sucks when the mom turns out to be a piece of shit who doesn't care about the kid either.

In NJ, they can lose more than their driver's license. If they have some kind of professional license they can lose that too. Which is kind of counter productive because how does the court expect them to pay child support if they aren't working. Just garnish their wages.

On a related note, what I have a problem with is husbands being forced to be responsible for children that were fathered by other men when their wives cheated on them. At least when the identity/paternity of the sperm donor is known.

You know, in some parts of the country they've brought back what amounts to debtor's prison. History really is cyclical!

Nope. Deadbeat dads are fathers that do nothing for their kids. If a man is paying to keep the kids well being up, the he isn't a deadbeat. Heartless maybe but not a deadbeat.

Not a deadbeat, but still a jackass. Can't understand someone not having the urge to want to bond with their child and be in their life. It's one thing to say "I don't want kids" before they're there but it's another to keep that attitude after they're born.

femme fatale wrote:

If a man gets a woman pregnant and owns up to the financial part by paying regular child support but refuses to be emotionally available and involved with the child, would you still consider him a "deadbeat" dad?

Yes, absolutely. If he didn't want to be a Dad then maybe he should've bought a box of condoms. A "Dad" is someone who supports his child, both financially and emotionally. The Mom is doing it, why can't he?

Absolutely yes indeed. The root of being a Deadbeat Dad isn't the lack of financial support given, but the lack of concern and consideration. He's only paying to keep the law off his back. If anybody saw the movie Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns, the father of Angela Bassett's teenage son was paying child support, but tell me that cold bastard wasn't still a deadbeat! I understand that not everyone wants children, but it's the risk that comes with sex. I can't wrap my head around someone being emotionally detached from their kids who they know exist.

Chris wrote:

When I think of the term 'Deadbeat Dad,' I associate with a man who is abusive and criminally negligent to the point where the child suffers. If the guy is owning up to his financial responsibility, then he isn't being negligent. It's unfortunate that a man wouldn't be interested in having a relationship with the child he created, but in this scenario I would label him more absentee than deadbeat.

femme fatale wrote:

If a man gets a woman pregnant and owns up to the financial part by paying regular child support but refuses to be emotionally available and involved with the child, would you still consider him a "deadbeat" dad?

If he doesen't want to get involved with his own kid than I would label it good riddance. Chances are he is probably selfish and does not want to be bothered sharing time with his own child for his own selfish reasons.

RobbieFTW wrote:

Well maybe but he didn't ASK to be anybody's dad. Women get to decide on if they're maternal enough to have and keep a child. Men don't because the decision is usually made for them or w/o their final say. So even tho it's sad that he's not interested in being there for the kid, if he's big enough to own up to the financial part so that they can eat and have clothes, that's all anybody can ask for.