Relationships...

Love... can't live with it, can't live without it (that's what I think anyways).

I don't know whats going on in my life right now, but all I know is I am scared to fucking death of losing the love of my life right now.

And what to do to fix the clusterfuck that is, well, us right now.... I have no idea.

Any ideas you guys have, or done, to show the person you love that "You are my world, don't ever fucking forget that?"


I could really use some ideas. Because what's in my heart, I have a terribly hard time showing it in the right way right now. It sucks.

But I know who I love, who I want... and will do anything to keep that man and his little boy close to me.







(Sorry if this is an odd rant... but I just am fucking lost as I've ever been in my nearly 29 years of life.)

OH that is a hard question, not knowing anything about the relationship or its dynamics. I go for total, honest, open communication. Find out what he wants, what you can provide to make the relationship solid for both of you.

That said, it may just be ending (been there several times). You may not even know exactly why. My wife and I loved each other to the end but walked hand-in-hand to the courthouse to get the divorce papers.

So have you and your lover talked about this? Have you come to any solutions how to fix the relationship? Have you involved a third party like a couselor. (My wife and I did - it didn't help)

T.E.B. not knowing more specifics it is hard to offer other advice (besides Shale's sagely be "honest") except be true to yourself and be sure what you're willing to sacrifice to maintain the relationship. I will diverge from him slightly, however, that total honesty is not always required. Maybe for the big things in life but sometimes, "No honey, that dress doesn't make you look fat", etc. is a perfectly acceptable answer. Sorry but I don't know how to tell you to show your love that he means the world to you. I hope everything works out for the four of you.

Try putting your feelings down on paper and let him read them. After all they are your private thoughts. As Shale said above its hard to really give you advice without knowing both sides of the coin.

The only advice I can offer is to say know for sure you are wanting it for the right reasons and that you are not compromising what you really want to simply keep it all together.

RedBedroom wrote:The only advice I can offer is to say know for sure you are wanting it for the right reasons and that you are not compromising what you really want to simply keep it all together.

Check out this book... The 5 Love Languages.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

Each person feels loved from different things... Some want it spoken, some wants gifts feeling that gifts are considerate loving gestures... some want physical touch... some want "action" in the guise of "he washed the dishes, he loves me".

Its a really interesting book, and after giving it to a friend whose wife was about to walk out the door... they read it together, then started talking more and worked things out. If u do not learn to communicate properly, then you won't survive. Good luck

Men are simple. Feed him and freak him.

Seriously. I don't know the particulars so it's hard to give more specific advice. But when things are so twisted and complicated...start with the basics.

Go on a nice date, just the two of you, with little distractions. Then...feed him and freak him. Sometimes a little relaxation drops a barrier and melts the ice a bit, allowing for better communication.

Tony Marino wrote:Try putting your feelings down on paper and let him read them. After all they are your private thoughts. As Shale said above its hard to really give you advice without knowing both sides of the coin.

He reads my journal.... so he knows my thoughts. Though I wish to SHOW them more.

Our relationship is so complicated. To make a long story short... I met him when I was 15. Friends ever since. Started out as fuck buddies when I was 20... then we became best friends. Then I fell in love. We broke it off because he wasn't in love. Over the years we dated others, then one drunken night we slept together again. And then he realized..... hey he loves me too!

We had this big explosion of a beginning of a relationship, that "So utterly heads over heels in love with each other" but scared we would hurt our friendship. It's not often you are so close to someone that you just look at each other and know what each other is thinking. Some problems, he used to be a serial cheater and cheated on me a few times. We got over it. But over the years... over 5 years... we have been through hell and back.

Then his room mate moved in and things changed. A lot. He was so distant and just mean... and it's been like that ever since. But I love him and his little boy so much it hurts. And when it's just me and him... he looks at me with that love in his eyes as he looked at me the first day he said "I love you" back to me. The same look he gave me when he realized that he will never find someone like me. And he says it all the time... he will not be able to find someone like me with the connection we have.

And now it might be ending, and it is fucking destroying me. It hurts so bad.... I didn't know pain could be this bad. I can't let go. When I left my daughters father it was EASY to leave him. That's when my boyfriend and I started our bed buddy thing. I was engaged, it was EASY to leave him. I loved one other person, and while it hurt when we broke up, it again, was easy to get over him.

Without Tone.... I feel like I can't breathe or swim through another day in this world without him.

Thanks for the update. I'm afraid, however, you've thrown up at least one big red flag. The serial cheating thing. Not just, "he cheated on me once but I forgave him." Some of us recommended honest communication earlier. "Honey, I just wanted to be honest and let you know that I fucked three other women in the past six months," isn't what we had in mind. I'm sorry to say this, but sometimes a strong, passionate emotional attachment (love) felt between two people just isn't enough to keep them a couple.

What's the deal with his room mate? Did some guy (please don't tell me a woman moved in with him!) move in with him and his son? Do the two of you maintain separate homes or do you live together and there are now five of you under one roof?

Sorry, hon, best of luck.

If i read right, u are 25 now? I mean no disrespect, but 25 is young--especially for a man. U mentioned his roommate.. but did not elaborate. I'm wondering if he wants he cake and eat it too. He may see his roommate has the freedom of "single life".... going out partying, bedding women, and he can't. He might WANT you and LOVE you... but he may resent that HAVING you is preventing him from some of the fun a single guy would have.

every relationship is different and complex. You have to find what works for you... but you can't make someone stay with you or want you. I had a best friend like this for 17 years. Once we tried a relationship, the friendship did end when the relationship ended. Then when i replaced him with my current boyfriend, he wanted me back, "i didnt think you could replace me so quickly". WHY NOT? I'm a sweet, attractive, intelligent caring person that YOU did not appreciate! So I found someone who did. That is my suggestion to you. Grieve the loss of your relationship and move on. BF doesnt sound like he knows what he wants, and at 25, you should not have been "thru hell and back" or been cheated on repeatedly. Go enjoy life with your daughter and explore the wonderful things life has to offer.

TheEnglishButterfly wrote:

He reads my journal.... so he knows my thoughts. Though I wish to SHOW them more.

Our relationship is so complicated. To make a long story short... I met him when I was 15. Friends ever since. Started out as fuck buddies when I was 20... then we became best friends. Then I fell in love. We broke it off because he wasn't in love. Over the years we dated others, then one drunken night we slept together again. And then he realized..... hey he loves me too!

We had this big explosion of a beginning of a relationship, that "So utterly heads over heels in love with each other" but scared we would hurt our friendship. It's not often you are so close to someone that you just look at each other and know what each other is thinking. Some problems, he used to be a serial cheater and cheated on me a few times. We got over it. But over the years... over 5 years... we have been through hell and back.

Then his room mate moved in and things changed. A lot. He was so distant and just mean... and it's been like that ever since. But I love him and his little boy so much it hurts. And when it's just me and him... he looks at me with that love in his eyes as he looked at me the first day he said "I love you" back to me. The same look he gave me when he realized that he will never find someone like me. And he says it all the time... he will not be able to find someone like me with the connection we have.

And now it might be ending, and it is fucking destroying me. It hurts so bad.... I didn't know pain could be this bad. I can't let go. When I left my daughters father it was EASY to leave him. That's when my boyfriend and I started our bed buddy thing. I was engaged, it was EASY to leave him. I loved one other person, and while it hurt when we broke up, it again, was easy to get over him.

Without Tone.... I feel like I can't breathe or swim through another day in this world without him.

I wasn't going to say anything further but this really hurts to read. No relationship should be this complicated. Once it gets to this point, it's a relationshit.

Is this roommate a female? That's the only logical explanation for the hostility, unless it's a single guy friend who brings girls around on the regular.

I believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater." At least with you, he will be. I strongly suggest taking your feelings of familiarity out of this, because it sounds like that's the only glue holding this together...and HE knows it.

See, he can get away with damn near anything because through the years, you have always been waiting in the wings for him. He knows that no matter how much he fucks up, you'll always accept him with open arms. Not only will he use that to his advantage, but he'll have you thinking it's the right thing to do by saying things like, "Nobody understands me like you/You're the only one I trust/I'll never find someone like you," etc. He's really saying "thanks for being the best doormat I've ever had, nobody else would bother to put up with my BS."

I know that sounds harsh. He probably does love you very much, but he doesn't know how to treat you, and it doesn't sound like he respects you either. You deserve better and you'd be better off exploring other options.

Well said! Sorry it must hurt to hear this

wants2laugh wrote:Well said! Sorry it must hurt to hear this

Yeah but a lot of it makes sense.