So much is being pondered about sex and marriage, what's your opinion of divorce? That used to be considered taboo and a sin. Back in the 40s and 50s, gay divorcee's tended to be socially shunned. Do you think breaking vows is a dishonorable thing to do?

Funny how they try to ban gays from marrying but are aok with DIVORCE. But I digress. Sometimes people grow apart and fall out of love. Staying unhappily married I imagine is like being in jail.

^^^^Who says I am okay with divorce? I am totally against it and think it's a cowardly way out of problems, or the result of past immoral decisions. If the spouse is very abusive, I guess there is a justification for it, but more often than not, divorce results from wanting to be somebody to somebody else. We're all living life upside down.

Forgiveness_Man wrote:

^^^^Who says I am okay with divorce?

Who said I was talking about you?

^^^^Nobody said you were talking about me specifically.

Seems everybody's family is getting a long history of acquaintance with divorce these days, some people several times over...that in itself I don't see as a good thing, but I'm all for it. In ancient American Indian tribes, divorce was a very simple thing for a woman to get, and I guess for the men too, that's the way it ought to be today instead of all this red tape and legal disputes and high priced lawyers.

My opinion of divorce is very similar to my opinion of premarital sex...that it's the couples business to decide what's right for their marriage. If that means terminating it, then so be it. As far as old school married couples who stayed together through thick and thin, yes it's admirable...and yes I do think couples should be a bit more diligent to preserve their marriages if they can. However, I also think it's sad when a 80-something year old woman whose husband died 20 years ago admits that she was was never happy in their 50 year marriage, and that she would have gotten a divorce if it was something that was more socially accepted in her prime.

^^^^Hence why one needs to think before saying "I do."

Sometimes marriages don't work out, simple as that. My opinion is that it's better to get out and find your happiness alone (or with someone else) than it is to stay put and continue in a situation that is destined to keep one or both miserable. There is absolutely no reason for a couple to continue playing make believe while the love is draining.

^^^^The problem is that "marriages just don't work out" seems like an excuse to me to justify things which caused it to not work out. IMO, if the marriage doesn't work out, it's operator error, so to speak.

If it's not working out, there is no need to stay together. I believe you should really work at your marriage and divorce should be the last result. Nobody who gets married and actually wants to get married does so with the intentions of it not being for a lifetime. You should never be in a relationship you're not happy with it.

Forgiveness_Man wrote:

^^^^The problem is that "marriages just don't work out" seems like an excuse to me to justify things which caused it to not work out. IMO, if the marriage doesn't work out, it's operator error, so to speak.

Doesn't matter why. The bottom line is that the two are no longer in sync, are miserable being together and are potentially bringing each other down. When that happens, it's time to give up the ghost and let it go.

And sometimes it's not operator error. Sometimes two people simply grow in two different directions, and cease having the same mindset and life goals that they did when they got married. It happens.

I am divorced. I was married for ten yrs and don't think my ex wife and me ever truly got along. There was always bickering and arguing...I wasn't happy, she wasn't happy. We resented each other and as time went out we were only at peace when we were apart. Homelife was always edgy. There was aspects of the marriage that were great, I got 3 kids out of it and for that there's always gonna be love between us. But the marriage just wasn't gonna preserve through the angst. Agreed with the sentiment that sometimes you have to give up the ghost.

Marc wrote:

Doesn't matter why. The bottom line is that the two are no longer in sync, are miserable being together and are potentially bringing each other down. When that happens, it's time to give up the ghost and let it go.

And sometimes it's not operator error. Sometimes two people simply grow in two different directions, and cease having the same mindset and life goals that they did when they got married. It happens.

See I think that's crap. I think it's also an illusion. So what happens when people get tired of their kids? OOPS, eight years of Billy, now he's a brat, I'm giving him away. Sorry, but I think divorce in cases of non-abuse is an excuse that people contrive, and the excuses people make for divorces often aren't there until somebody else is waiting in the wings.

No, operator error. Maybe it was when they got married, they did it too fast, or they just did it cause they were "in love." They never bothered to build a true foundation for marriage, hence when it crumbles, it is indeed operator error.

I think my major issue with the divorce rate is that too many folks don't think enough about the long term before they get married. They rush in then it ends up not being a good match, so it is easy to get out. I am not saying they should not get out, if it is not working. I just think that a lot of it could be avoided if they were more cautious prior to getting married.

I have known about three women who married because they had been together so long, it was the next thing to do. And not so much because they were with the right person to spend a lifetime with.

Some people get caught up in the moment and rush into marriage, before sitting down and discussing with each other pertinent life goals and making sure they are in sync. They also marry hoping that time will fade each others fatal character flaws. People have a glamorous, fantasy-like perception of what marriage will mean, while ignoring practicality.

That being said...
Even though failed marriages are 100% the fault of the couple, two people should not stay married if the relationship is personally destructive or if they are habitually unhappy in it.