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wants2laugh
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TheEnglishButterfly
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    Getting over your love...

    TheEnglishButterfly
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    • Post n°1

    Getting over your love... Empty Getting over your love...

    Post by TheEnglishButterfly Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:27 am

    How do you manage to move on from someone who has been in your life half your life, is your best friend, your longest relationship... you love that person with all of your damn heart, and it just HURTS to even think of life without them?

    If you thought the fight was worth it, would you stick by and wait?

    Fuck.... I feel like my fucking heart is dying right now. I can't even breathe correctly, and that's not an expression, I seriously can't breathe right and feel like my heart is skipping a beat.

    I have no idea how I'll ever see him again and just be friends.
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    • Post n°2

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    Post by Shale Thu Nov 15, 2012 1:14 am

    It's no consolation right now, but know that it does get better, hurts less and eventually equilibrium returns.
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    Post by TheEnglishButterfly Thu Nov 15, 2012 1:56 am

    Shale wrote:It's no consolation right now, but know that it does get better, hurts less and eventually equilibrium returns.

    I used to think that. But it's like... it's ALWAYS been him.

    I left the father of my child and it seemed hard until Tony came around (very soon after). We had a complicated relationship but was always friends. Best friends.

    We would date others and ALWAYS came back to each other. Finally one day we slept together, I had the dawning "He's not my best friend, hes the love of my life, but Im not his" moment and I stepped away. That's when he stepped closer to me, said that last time freaked him out too, and well the rest is history. We have been together ever since. No one knows me like him. It's very rare that you find someone that you are so in tune with that you could pick up a phone to call them and yet, they are calling you. You can think some random thought like "Damn it would be fun to go bowling" and you get a text "Hey hun, lets take the kids bowling." That doesnt happen with just anyone. Girls called him fat and gross all his life... he is freaking perfect to me. Right down to his pudgy belly. Guys gave me shit all my life for what I looked like... he looks at me in the eyes and calls me beautiful. And means it.

    I don't want anyone else. I never cared about sex before him. It was just something fun to do. Now... I can't just do it for fun. It's something to be shared with someone I love.

    It just sucks... he's my one and only and it sucks, fucking SUCKS where we are right now!!!
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    Post by wants2laugh Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:09 am

    ok.... first i want to remind u that you are not alone. Half of relationships end in divorce, so that is a lot of people in the same boat as you who think the "love of my life" is going going gone.

    The great thing about life is that you NEVER know when the next curve ball will come at you. As you start to become more independent from the dying relationship, you will learn from your experience and find another. You will know what you want and dont want in a relationship. Take that knowledge with you to the next one.

    And believe it or not... you will probably meet someone who will make u say, "wow.. i thought he was great, and he was my best friend, but this new guy treats me much better." Don't look at it as something ending.. try and look at it as a new adventure to go and explore.

    I really dont get the "not as interested in sex" thing... that is totally foreign to both shale and I LOL
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    Post by TheEnglishButterfly Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:10 am

    wants2laugh wrote:ok.... first i want to remind u that you are not alone. Half of relationships end in divorce, so that is a lot of people in the same boat as you who think the "love of my life" is going going gone.

    The great thing about life is that you NEVER know when the next curve ball will come at you. As you start to become more independent from the dying relationship, you will learn from your experience and find another. You will know what you want and dont want in a relationship. Take that knowledge with you to the next one.

    And believe it or not... you will probably meet someone who will make u say, "wow.. i thought he was great, and he was my best friend, but this new guy treats me much better." Don't look at it as something ending.. try and look at it as a new adventure to go and explore.

    I really dont get the "not as interested in sex" thing... that is totally foreign to both shale and I LOL


    The not interested in sex was meaning that before him, sex didn't have meaning. It was just something fun to do. Then with him, it was something that could actually be considered "making love." The first time we had sex when we got together he got super freaked out and said "I've never felt that way about a girl... that was different about any other time we have been together." We were bed buddies for years before that. Then it was just... different. We have such a complicated history, lol.

    So yeah, sex is fun, but with him, its fun but has a deep connection in it too.
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    Post by RedBedroom Thu Nov 15, 2012 9:50 am

    The worst thing you can do right now is let him know how devastated you are and how this is hurting you so much. Because then he will know he can go off and enjoy single life for a while then come back to you.

    I was the exact same way with my son's dad. I wanted us to stay together because "that's how it is supposed to be" and so he knew he always had the option to come back.

    In the end, I finally let him know I was done and we were apart for a long time. Then we did get back together and are still together. It made a huge difference when he knew that I am totally fine to live without him at any time.
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    Post by Alan Smithee Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:29 pm

    TheEnglishButterfly wrote:How do you manage to move on from someone who has been in your life half your life, is your best friend, your longest relationship... you love that person with all of your damn heart, and it just HURTS to even think of life without them?

    Time and distance. I'm sorry for your heart ache. Hopefully you have family and friends you can lean on. Besides us Wink .

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    Post by TheEnglishButterfly Sat Nov 17, 2012 4:52 am

    RedBedroom wrote:The worst thing you can do right now is let him know how devastated you are and how this is hurting you so much. Because then he will know he can go off and enjoy single life for a while then come back to you.

    I was the exact same way with my son's dad. I wanted us to stay together because "that's how it is supposed to be" and so he knew he always had the option to come back.

    In the end, I finally let him know I was done and we were apart for a long time. Then we did get back together and are still together. It made a huge difference when he knew that I am totally fine to live without him at any time.

    Thanks for the advice. I do hope we end up back together... we have once before. But god damn I hurt... and him getting his rocks off with someone else kills me. Though I am sure he would go insane if he saw me with another guy. He'd either pull me back or go off with another girl just to hurt me too. I KNOW he doesnt want me screwing around either... but I dont want to screw around. I know him... he does.
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    Post by Alan Smithee Sat Nov 17, 2012 9:41 am

    OK, I don't know you guys and I'm only getting your (incomplete) side of the story but after your last post I think the one word I would use to describe this relationship is toxic. Walk away from it. Heart ache sucks. I've been there too but as an impartial observer I say get out of this relationship and get on with your life. If faithful monogamy is a requisite part of this relationship for you...I urge you to do as the house in the Amittyville Horror said and "get out!" I'm sorry but it just doesn't sound like he loves you enough. It sounds like you're hoping spoiled milk turns good.
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    Post by Shale Sat Nov 17, 2012 10:13 am

    Alan Smithee wrote:OK, I don't know you guys and I'm only getting your (incomplete) side of the story but after your last post I think the one word I would use to describe this relationship is toxic. Walk away from it. Heart ache sucks. I've been there too but as an impartial observer I say get out of this relationship and get on with your life. If faithful monogamy is a requisite part of this relationship for you...I urge you to do as the house in the Amittyville Horror said and "get out!" I'm sorry but it just doesn't sound like he loves you enough. It sounds like you're hoping spoiled milk turns good.
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    Post by wants2laugh Sat Nov 17, 2012 3:12 pm

    agreed... i know its not what u want to hear... but you will find something better, and then regret staying as long as you did.

    life has a funny way of working out. And ur last post basically says "he wants his cake and to eat some donuts too".... if u do not want to be constantly in competition with other women, and you want a man who loves you--- then find another man. u can do it... u have to believe in yourself. change is scary-- i hate change.. i even put off getting an andriod instead of my flip phone cause i hate change soooo damn much. so just imagine how hard it is for me to start a new relationship.

    to hell with him. Go take care of you girl!!! Cause he won't. and neither will anyone else.
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    Post by Chris Mon Nov 19, 2012 3:31 pm

    Time and a good support system, but mostly time. One of the time's my daughters mother and I broke up, I was a wreck and became a lost zombie trying to cope with it. We eventually got back together and later broke up again for good, but the final time ironically didn't hurt as much.
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    Post by Tony Marino Mon Nov 19, 2012 3:34 pm

    Good advice Chris
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    Post by TheEnglishButterfly Wed Nov 21, 2012 3:01 am

    It just hurts like hell and I dont feel as if I will ever move on. Hell, we've tried it before, and I just couldn't. I still can't sad
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    Post by wants2laugh Wed Nov 21, 2012 3:07 am

    you need to totally disconnect. can't see him/talk to him. You will not move on if you convince yourself that you can't.

    When you realize that you deserve better, you will find the strength.
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