Parents having favorite children

Okay, so we all know parents aren't supposed to have favorites, but I think it's safe to say a lot of them do. What do you think?


My mother has four kids and she's found a way around that problem...she has a favorite oldest daughter, a favorite middle daughter, a favorite son, and me, the favorite youngest daughter.

Seems likely that the first born child will be it. In families where there are a bunch of kids, the oldest and the youngest.

I think most good parents can avoid having favorites, alas we've been the victim of being non-favorites.

I think parents may have kids they are closer with simply because some personalities may be more needy of the parents while other kids are more independent from an early age. But I don't think all parents have favorites. It's usually the oldest and/or youngest of course, but I think that if you have more than four kids, it becomes difficult to get away with favoritism.

This topic fascinates me. I have seen adults I know, or friends I have had, who have or are in a family with, favorites. That is crazy to me. I only have one son and a step daughter. So, I guess I don't know what it is really like, but I just can't understand when kids are all under 18, how anyone can have a favorite.

Now, when the offspring become adults, I can see parents relating better to one of their kids over the other(s) if certain interests are shared, and things like that.

I think it's pretty inevitable, if there's more than one that a parent will have an extra special place in their heart for a certain one based on how well they bond and on other things like birth order. Most oldests are favorited more, because they were the first. Doesn't mean they love the others less. My younger brother is clearly my dads favorite. I can't really tell who my moms favorite is, but it's probably a toss up between my older brother and me.

Chris wrote:Seems likely that the first born child will be it. In families where there are a bunch of kids, the oldest and the youngest.

I disagree! But I can't even imagine having a favorite. There are things I like more about each of my children and things that I find more challenging about some, but I love them all and none are my favorite.

I disagree about the oldest though because the oldest is the one that we learn on and tend to make the most mistakes on and have the most (sometimes unrealistic) expectations from and I think that makes them more likely to have a strained relationship with their parents and strained usually doesn't =favorite.

Youngest I could see because they're your "baby"...But middle kids have a special place because they are in the middle and everyone knows it too.

I think most parents do have a favorite that they have a different kind of kinship with, but if they're a good parent it won't be obvious and it won't dictate anything....

thepossiblepolice wrote:

Chris wrote:Seems likely that the first born child will be it. In families where there are a bunch of kids, the oldest and the youngest.

I disagree! But I can't even imagine having a favorite. There are things I like more about each of my children and things that I find more challenging about some, but I love them all and none are my favorite.

I disagree about the oldest though because the oldest is the one that we learn on and tend to make the most mistakes on and have the most (sometimes unrealistic) expectations from and I think that makes them more likely to have a strained relationship with their parents and strained usually doesn't =favorite.

Youngest I could see because they're your "baby"...But middle kids have a special place because they are in the middle and everyone knows it too.

I agree with this...if there was a favorite in my family, the oldest would definitely NOT be it...I'm the baby of the family so that's allowed me to get away with a few more things than my brother did when he was younger...but in our family there is also much importance placed on making sure the middle children get as much attention as the oldest and the youngest which seems to be a difficult task.

Because I'm the oldest I think I'm my moms fav but she would never say so. But she keeps it realer with me than she does the others so its gotta mean something.

Supernova wrote:Okay, so we all know parents aren't supposed to have favorites,

No we don't! I for one think that it's unrealistic for most parents to claim that they DON'T have a favorite. Then again, I'm not a parent....

Supernova wrote:but I think it's safe to say a lot of them do. What do you think?

My mother has four kids and she's found a way around that problem...she has a favorite oldest daughter, a favorite middle daughter, a favorite son, and me, the favorite youngest daughter.

Convenient! But ultimately it is merely a tool used to deflect the question. At best, she has a clear favorite but intentionally refuses to acknowledge her favorite for fear of alienating one or more of her other kids whom she loves dearly. At worst, she's never really given it that much thought at all because she doesn't particularly like any of you more than the other. But children are like any other "thing" that we "own" at some point in our lives. You may place "value" on all of them, but you typically "favor" one in particular (based on how they act usually). Some people favor the child that shares similar interests with them, while others favor the child that has a more similar personlity to themselves. Why there is a negative connotation to favoring children I have no idea, but I think its dishonest for people to claim that they love all of them equally!

I always thought my younger brother is my mother's favorite. They might have a different relationship with different children and it might look favorable on the outside, but I think a mother loves all of her children equally. But then again, one of my best friends doesn't even speak to his mother and he's told me some horror stories. So I guess it just depends on the individual.

Sometimes I tell my daughter she's my favorite. Then she reminds me she's an only child.