Living together before marrying

In your opinion: should a couple engaged to be married live together before saying 'I Do' to get a feel for what living with each other will be like, or do you believe that living (and ultimately sleeping) together should generally be reserved for couples who actually married?

i think its best a couple live together, before sayin i do.

It seems practical to me because once the wedding's over, the two of you are going to be living together till either death or divorce and I think it's a good idea to find out in advance what the everyday home life is going to be like and if you can even really stand being around each other that much.

I lived with a boyfriend before I met my husband and I always swore that I would never do it again before I got married. That had more to do with me having unrealistic expectations about where our relationship was heading though. I thought that if you lived together, you would eventually get married (I was only 17).

Then I met my future husband and he kept asking me to move in and I finally said that I would if we were engaged with a date set...A while later he proposed. We lived together for 5 months before marriage.

It didn't cause any problems for us, other than the uncle who was supposed to perform the ceremony pulled out a week before when he found out

It is up to the couple. I look at marriage differently than most, and to me if they already lived together, I don't get all that excited for the wedding.

RedBedroom wrote:It is up to the couple. I look at marriage differently than most, and to me if they already lived together, I don't get all that excited for the wedding.

I know it's terrible, but I hate weddings anyway.

thepossiblepolice wrote:

RedBedroom wrote:It is up to the couple. I look at marriage differently than most, and to me if they already lived together, I don't get all that excited for the wedding.

I know it's terrible, but I hate weddings anyway.

Me too. Every close girl friend I have ever had has known that I will not be a bridesmaid. I would guess that over 70% of the married people I know that have been married for a while have lost contact with at least one member of their wedding party.

I don't see the point to be honest.

RedBedroom wrote:

thepossiblepolice wrote:

I know it's terrible, but I hate weddings anyway.

Me too. Every close girl friend I have ever had has known that I will not be a bridesmaid. I would guess that over 70% of the married people I know that have been married for a while have lost contact with at least one member of their wedding party.

I like the idea of weddings, but I don't like all the hoopla. The best wedding that I ever went to was in our living room, just a couple and a few close friends, my husband officiated and I made the cake. That wedding was clearly about the couple loving each other and wanting to be together forever...Some weddings seem like an opportunity to be a princess for a day and waste lots of money and it's hard to find the love inside all of the pageantry. That's just me though, people can do what they want

I think that it is almost essential.

TPP, that sounds like a very nice wedding. All about getting married, and not all about putting on a show.

RedBedroom wrote:TPP, that sounds like a very nice wedding. All about getting married, and not all about putting on a show.

Yeah, the guy was a friend and he was deploying, his girl was pregnant and he didn't want to leave without getting married first.

They always call up my husband when they are having marital problems...She's quite a piece of work so we're always like "WHAT NOW?" when she calls but they are really nice people.

Of course they should live together. Anyone who doesn't is a damn fool.

Nystyle709 wrote:Of course they should live together. Anyone who doesn't is a damn fool.

Weeeeell, my wife and I dated for almost 5 years before we got married. We didn't live together probably because her parents wouldn't have been too keen on it but let's just say there was nothing unexpected on our wedding night. Point I'm trying to make is that we knew each other well enough before we got married. Not living together didn't increase any risk of our marriage not lasting. Almost 28 years and counting. I don't know if one of our newer members, Suzie and her husband lived together first but they've been married about as long as I've been alive.

I think it's the more realistic thing to do. Get used to each others bad habits and quirks ahead of time so that there are no surprises.

alan smithee wrote:

Nystyle709 wrote:Of course they should live together. Anyone who doesn't is a damn fool.

Weeeeell, my wife and I dated for almost 5 years before we got married. We didn't live together probably because her parents wouldn't have been too keen on it but let's just say there was nothing unexpected on our wedding night. Point I'm trying to make is that we knew each other well enough before we got married. Not living together didn't increase any risk of our marriage not lasting. Almost 28 years and counting. I don't know if one of our newer members, Suzie and her husband lived together first but they've been married about as long as I've been alive.

Key words. I'm pretty sure the divorce rate wasn't as high when you got married. I can't quite put my finger on why, but nowadays....you need to live together. It's not a fairytale life anymore to have your husband/wife sweep you off your feet and you ride into the sunset happily ever after.

^^^I'm not arguing against living together before marriage but I think it's more important to know the person who will be your spouse (and yourself too) and living together isn't the only way to do that.

alan smithee wrote:^^^I'm not arguing against living together before marriage but I think it's more important to know the person who will be your spouse (and yourself too) and living together isn't the only way to do that.

Never said that it was.

Well, of course Brenda and I lived together before getting married. In fact we lived together for 3 years without considering getting married. We just decided one day that we could accomplish more as a married couple.

It was the habit of the time to live with a partner with no plans for marriage. There was the 6-month living with Lorily before we split up. Then I lived with Jim for 5 years and we never got married.

So in my circle of friends, living together was the norm - marriage wasn't.

It's a sin and everyone who does it is going straight to hell.



(My underground condo is being prepped right now.)

I think it really depends on the couple. Of course when Time and I were going together the whole idea of living without benefit of clergy was unthinkable. Nice girls didn't sleep with the guy either and I was for sure a nice girl. My closest friend lived with a man 20 years had 2 kids all without a marriage license. The union broke up but not because they weren't married. Of course when she was living "in sin" it was the 70's and done often. She's been with 2 men since the break up then, the 2nd of the 2 has been a 10 year relationship. So who am I to knock her or the relationship?

If more couples lived together before they got married they never would.

Nystyle709 wrote:I'm pretty sure the divorce rate wasn't as high when you got married. I can't quite put my finger on why, but nowadays....you need to live together. It's not a fairytale life anymore to have your husband/wife sweep you off your feet and you ride into the sunset happily ever after.

It never was a fairytale life. People of the older generations are no more or no less happily married than people of younger generations. There are a lot of unhappily married older couples who stay together 1) out of duty, and 2) for lack of choice. In my own family, there are at least two women over the age of 60 who can't stand their husbands but would never be able to support themselves if they left. My grandmother, OTOH, left my grandfather after 42 years of marriage in 1980. She was able to support herself because she was a hairdresser by trade. She set up shop in a new apartment and that was that.

I also know more than one older person who was quite relieved when their significant others kicked the bucket. It was like, "free, at last."

Chris wrote:In your opinion: should a couple engaged to be married live together before saying 'I Do' to get a feel for what living with each other will be like, or do you believe that living (and ultimately sleeping) together should generally be reserved for couples who actually married?

I believe that it's none of my business how two adults handle their own relationship. I think marriages can be successful either way.