The 10 Most Irritating, Least Helpful Parenting Tips Ever

The 10 Most Irritating, Least Helpful Parenting Tips Ever - Parenting on Shine



I have nothing against friends and family offering advice when you come
to them with a dilemma. It's the people who pipe up, unbidden, because
they see you with a child and assume you have no idea what you're
doing. Too often these people are elderly great-aunts. Fortunately
those ladies are afraid of the Internet, so I can rail against them and
they'll be none the wiser! Thanks, ladies.

1. "Sleep now, because once that baby comes you'll never sleep again."
Technically this is a pregnancy tip, of course, but I'm shoving it in
here anyway. Yes, Great-Aunt Hildy, I will sleep throughout my entire
third trimester. Because I am part bear.

2. "Sleep when the baby sleeps." Everyone gives you this one — annoying
relatives, pediatricians, the cashier at the drugstore where you were
buying newborn diapers. Are these people all robots, capable of
instantly dropping off to sleep whenever their child is unconscious? Do
they not have other things to do, like bathe, or simply relish the rare
moments of silence you get when you have an infant?

3. "I think your baby's hungry." Whether you're nursing or
bottle-feeding, everyone assumes you don't know how to feed your child.
And every time your child cries, whines, grimaces, or squirms, they are
going to assume you are starving your poor baby and you need reminders
to feed it. Lest you forget! This advice is especially maddening when
they turn out to be correct.

4. "Relish every moment of your baby's first years, because they'll be
grown before you know it." You mean, time only moves forward? I had no
idea! I thought we'd be like this forever and ever! This sort of
advice, obvious and innocuous as it seems, always put me on the
defensive, as if I had just been carrying my baby under my arm like a
football, muttering, "Grow up already, why don't you. Just GROW UP."

5. "I hope you're sleep training that child. Do you WANT him to be
spoiled?" Oh, distant relative/person whose aisle I shared at the
supermarket, I'm so glad you know exactly my child needs. And that you
know, from your years of scientific research, that any child not
allowed to cry it out will be a horrible waste of flesh! (See #6 for
this parenting tip's counterpart.)

6. "I hope you're not doing that 'crying it out' thing. It's so
barbaric. Enjoy your baby all through the night!" Again, kudos to you,
whoever you are, for knowing what's best for our unique family
situation! I will be calling you at 4 a.m., so you can enjoy our baby
as well.

7. "Why are you bringing your child outside when it's so cold out?" It
never ceased to amaze me that, no matter what my child's age, total
strangers will express alarm and revulsion that I dared expose him to
the elements. "And WHY ISN'T BE WEARING MITTENS? He's going to get
consumption!"

8. "Your child isn't really sad/angry/injured. He's just manipulating
you." There's no doubt that children can push our buttons as if they've
had professional training in it, but the notion that my kid's authentic
feelings are in fact manufactured to elicit a reaction really chaps my
hide. If that were always true, he'd be a pint-sized sociopath. I'm
pretty sure that's not the case.

9. "Schools are just glorified prisons. If you loved your child, you'd
homeschool." Oh, if only I loved my child enough to abandon my
livelihood, tear him away from the community he so enjoys, separate him
from the professionals who have dedicated their careers to childhood
education, and forced him to stay home all day with me, where we'd be
at each other's throats for hours! If only! Please note: I am not
opposed to homeschooling, at all — in fact I wish it would work for us,
but it would not.

10. "If I were you, I'd just—" OH NO YOU DON'T. I know where this is
going. Listen, unnamed distant acquaintance who last parented in the
19th century (it's true — I often get my unwanted advice from ghosts)
you don't know diddly about my kid, and our relationship, and what
works for us.

Forgiveness Man wrote:People actually SAY No. 9? She lost her credibility with me when she put that on the list. Why? Because NOBODY we knew at that age would even ACCEPT homeschooling, let alone promote it. Sorry, but she blew her creds IMO.

8. "Your child isn't really sad/angry/injured. He's just manipulating
you." There's no doubt that children can push our buttons as if they've
had professional training in it, but the notion that my kid's authentic
feelings are in fact manufactured to elicit a reaction really chaps my
hide. If that were always true, he'd be a pint-sized sociopath. I'm
pretty sure that's not the case.