Respect for the dead

You always hear don't speak ill of the dead, show some respect for the dead, etc., but what're your thoughts about it?

I respect them enough not to give them my presence more than a couple of days a year. But when we went out this Memorial Day to put the marker on my grandfather's grave...I never knew him but I knew about him, I went out there, put the flag in and 'greeted' him if you will, with a 'hello Grandpa, you bastard', and even for our family it was NOT a complimentary gesture. Were he still alive I would've said the same thing and given the way he treated my mother I don't think it's any less than he would deserve.

You know, they're dead, they can't hear you anyway, so what does it matter? Unless you'd be worried they'd come back from the dead and beat the hell out of you. Or like Madea said in one play, she told her daughter Cora if she put a bra on Madea when she died, she would come back as a ghost and do a drive-by.


But you know, if they were nice in life, then yes I say show some damn respect, but if they were bastards in life, I'm not going to pretend their dying changed anything. Where's everyone else stand on this one?

People have a tendency to glorify the dead by only remembering the good times. My father died when i was three and i know only what people have told me. There are no videos or tape recordings of what he sounded like or his sense of humor. For all i know, he could have been a vicious jerk. I really have no feelings toward him at all.

As far as people I did know, I respect the person they were if they deserved it. The nasty people arent even worth my time to think about, let alone get my respect.

There was a thread about this a while ago. I'm of the mindset that dead people... are dead. And if they were assholes, there's no reason to think otherwise just because they managed to make it to death just like everybody else eventually will.

Somebody accused me of not believing in karma for thinking that. And I believe it was on this board.

I have to ask Supernova: WHY do you go to the gravesite???? Going because you "should" is certainly not the right reason for you.

No, the dead are not there. But it's where the remains of loved ones were last placed, and it gives others something tangible to connect to (grave). It's the final "home". When I was in New Orleans in April we visited the old cemeteries there, and despite the passage of time, many of those old tired, often crumbling gravesites are still remembered by the descendants.

But graveyards are full of bones from dirtbags in life. If they did absolutely nothing for someone when they were alive then there's no point in going through the efforts of going along. Let it go.

(Oh!) Rob Petrie wrote:There was a thread about this a while ago. I'm of the mindset that dead people... are dead. And if they were assholes, there's no reason to think otherwise just because they managed to make it to death just like everybody else eventually will.

Somebody accused me of not believing in karma for thinking that. And I believe it was on this board.

Maybe because karma usually involves reincarnation, and you said dead is dead. If you dont believe in reincarnation, then you wouldnt believe that the next life rewards you or punishes you depending on your actions in this life. Just a thought

I can totally see where you're coming from, Supernova and I agree. I can see being respectful around people who truly loved that person, but if the dead person wasn't a good person, I'm not going to sit around and pretend he or she was.

The energy you waste speaking ill of the dead is just that.....a waste of time and energy. And if they were such a horrible person, you're doing nothing but keeping their horrible memory alive. There is no point.

I don't believe in respecting somebody just because they are dead. If they were a truly bad person, death won't change that. However, I also think people have a tendency to be judgmental too and often blur the lines between somebody who was truly bad and merely somebody who they didn't like/get along with.

Bluesmama wrote:I have to ask Supernova: WHY do you go to the gravesite???? Going because you "should" is certainly not the right reason for you.

Long story short, my older sister started leaving the Memorial markers at the graves, and she's not able to do it now so we mainly do it for her. We managed to get the markers back that she put out so we can just take the same ones out for the occasion and get them back before somebody steals them.

wants2laugh wrote:People have a tendency to glorify the dead by only remembering the good times. My father died when i was three and i know only what people have told me. There are no videos or tape recordings of what he sounded like or his sense of humor. For all i know, he could have been a vicious jerk. I really have no feelings toward him at all.

As far as people I did know, I respect the person they were if they deserved it. The nasty people arent even worth my time to think about, let alone get my respect.

That's the weird thing. Death seems to turn people into something different. Borderline saints sometimes. It's just odd.

I don't believe in making someone, in death, out to be better than they were in life; but when someone less than savory passes on, I see no point in wasting time in deliberately slurring their character. At that point it's just time for the living to move on from them.

In my family I think fondly of the departed who brought joy to my life and don't give a second thought to those who didn't.

I don't think it's necessary to talk shit about them just for the sake of talking shit. But if the subject comes up it doesn't need to be sugarcoated either. I've seen extremes on both sides. There's a balance, I think.

I don't think people need to "respect" the dead per se....it's more a case of not DISrespecting those who aren't around to defend themselves against their tirades. If somebody who died was a dick in life, then reconcile that that was the way they were and move on....they can't hurt you now.

Supernova wrote:You always hear don't speak ill of the dead, show some respect for the dead, etc., but what're your thoughts about it?

I respect them enough not to give them my presence more than a couple of days a year. But when we went out this Memorial Day to put the marker on my grandfather's grave...I never knew him but I knew about him, I went out there, put the flag in and 'greeted' him if you will, with a 'hello Grandpa, you bastard', and even for our family it was NOT a complimentary gesture. Were he still alive I would've said the same thing and given the way he treated my mother I don't think it's any less than he would deserve.

You know, they're dead, they can't hear you anyway, so what does it matter? Unless you'd be worried they'd come back from the dead and beat the hell out of you. Or like Madea said in one play, she told her daughter Cora if she put a bra on Madea when she died, she would come back as a ghost and do a drive-by.


But you know, if they were nice in life, then yes I say show some damn respect, but if they were bastards in life, I'm not going to pretend their dying changed anything. Where's everyone else stand on this one?

If that really was him considering what happened in Jersey.