I told my husband that I want to split up today :(

Supernova wrote:You know, TPP, a lot of people think they need to stay married for the sake of the kids, but I have never heard any of the kids then, or years past, say that it was good for them to be together when the parents were miserable.


Now, I know this is no time to be playing psychotherapist but I was just wondering, you've been married for 12 years, and I'm going to guess in the beginning things were good, but I gotta wonder and you'll excuse me for beign nosey, when did you notice things had gone wrong? I mean exactly how long has it been building up to this?

thepossiblepolice wrote:
I noticed right away. I've just been trying to fix it and it hasn't worked so I've been trying to be the one who makes everything okay and I just can't do it alone.

thepossiblepolice wrote:I'd been thinking about it for a while. I've been trying SO hard to be happily married, pushing my feelings down and pretending that everything is fine because I didn't want to hurt him and I feel like a terrible person for not wanting to be married to him any more. I feel like the worst person ever...

I decided a couple months ago that I could only control my own behavior and started just going along with whatever he wanted in order to keep the peace, and he STILL picked fights with me (from my perspective) all the time.

Last week we had a stupid misunderstanding and he got so mad he dumped out all the houseplants, punched a hole in my guitar case that I had just gotten the day before, said he felt like blowing his brains out...I told him then that I wanted a divorce because he was acting crazy, but then we decided to try to work it out.

I told him I was going to be completely honest about my feelings from then on because the weight of trying to do it all myself was crushing me and it was SUCH a relief. But then over the week, I realized that my heart just isn't in it. I was reading my old blogs from the past 7 years and realized that we've had the exact same issues all along and in spite of 3 separate "treatments" of marriage counseling together, counseling apart, and both of us really trying, we just haven't made it work.

I used to feel like fighting for our relationship but now I just want peace. I just want to be done, and to have some hope for the future.

I feel like an awful person who is tearing her family apart, I feel like my world is crumbling around me and I am absolutely TERRIFIED of what I'm going to do, after 12 years being married, 10 of them a stay at home mom. But the relief that I feel is also huge. I feel horrible for hurting him, but getting it off my chest was so great that the relief seems to outweigh it.

I just can't stay married any more because of fear. It was killing my spirit and soul and it wasn't making me a good mom and it was making my kids really unhappy because we bicker or worse all the time.

I TRIED to stay for the kids, but I just can't do it

thepossiblepolice wrote:...Last week we had a stupid misunderstanding and he got so mad he dumped out all the houseplants, punched a hole in my guitar case that I had just gotten the day before, said he felt like blowing his brains out...I told him then that I wanted a divorce because he was acting crazy, ...I just can't stay married any more because of fear. It was killing my spirit and soul and it wasn't making me a good mom and it was making my kids really unhappy because we bicker or worse all the time.

Kral wrote:
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but that would be enough for me to pack the kids and leave that same night. He needs more help than you can give him if he's making comments like that. I can imagine that this is all very painful for you and stressful for the whole family, so I hope everything works out for you however you decide to go forward.

thepossiblepolice wrote:
He knows my name on here, is there a way that I can change it?