Does everyone deserve a second chance?

Suppose you went out with someone a couple of times, and they said something really mean to you---mean enough that you ended it. A few months later, the person comes back apologizing... begging for another chance.

Do you shrug off the incident as outside pressure in his/her life (such as job loss, family issues etc), or consider that who you saw months ago was the "real" person and refuse to see them again?

Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. I think any truly apologetic person deserves forgiveness. But that doesn't mean they deserve a second chance as a romantic partner or whatever.

In your situation, it's possible I'd forgive depending on what they said and how they apologized. But I don't think that they'd be entitled to get back with me just cause I forgave them.

OMG...I had done this once. I should have known better because whgen she did it the second time I nearly...

I could never let that happen therefore there is no forgetting, no forgiveness from me...

I don't take betrayal well. They could apologize but I could never trust again. So when it is over it is over.

Shale wrote:

When someone attacks me and hurts to the core, it does something - the opposite of imprinting (guess you could call it a deletion).

If they later apologize sincerely and explain their aberrant behavior I can accept it, be cordial, even joking with them, but there will always be that wariness. No, I cannot forget - a betrayal will always be a possibility and I close off a part of myself to that person.

I agree that's the same effect for me. I've even referred to it as "delete". So that's interesting. It's almost an emotional novocaine for me.

It's a damage to trust, which I think is the foundation of a relationship.

Depends on the situation. Im not a person that holds grudges towards people. That takes too much energy. If I say I'm going to forgive you for something, I'm going to forgive u and not hold it against you. You better not do it again.

If the situation was a romantic one, I would maybe forgive but be leery of starting a relationship with him. It depends on how biting the rude comment was.

Mostly, I can forgive, sometimes too easily. I never forget.
Depends on the person too & what they did... there are a few people that I would never forgive nor forget ....ever.

Nystyle709 wrote:

Depends on the situation. Im not a person that holds grudges towards people. That takes too much energy. If I say I'm going to forgive you for something, I'm going to forgive u and not hold it against you. You better not do it again.

Took the words out of my mouth. I've been told my weakness is I'm extremely forgiving. Really, I just don't have the brain capacity to keep up beef, especially if I was really close to the person or enjoyed their company.

But if they really served no purpose in my life...eh. Fuck em. I can become so neutral that I forget they exist.

FireIce918 wrote:

Took the words out of my mouth. I've been told my weakness is I'm extremely forgiving. Really, I just don't have the brain capacity to keep up beef, especially if I was really close to the person or enjoyed their company.

But if they really served no purpose in my life...eh. Fuck em. I can become so neutral that I forget they exist.

I do tend to do that. Once you cross that line, my coldness can be chilling....

Forgiveness Man wrote:

Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. I think any truly apologetic person deserves forgiveness. But that doesn't mean they deserve a second chance as a romantic partner or whatever.

In your situation, it's possible I'd forgive depending on what they said and how they apologized. But I don't think that they'd be entitled to get back with me just cause I forgave them.

Depends on how much it's worth to me to forgive them. It all lies on how sincere they sound and if they've had an attitude adjustment since then.

wants2laugh wrote:

Does everyone deserve a second chance?

Suppose you went out with someone a couple of times, and they said something really mean to you---mean enough that you ended it. A few months later, the person comes back apologizing... begging for another chance.

Do you shrug off the incident as outside pressure in his/her life (such as job loss, family issues etc), or consider that who you saw months ago was the "real" person and refuse to see them again?

My philosophy in life is "forgive and remember". In other words, to forgive is divine but to forget is naive. Forgive a person who does wrong to you, but never forget that wrong so that you can be on your gaurd the next time.

Trust is like a delicate glass and once it has been broken it must be built back up from scratch. You don't have to throw away the peices entirely. You can salvage it if you choose to. But it's not very easy to take a drink from that glass until the damage has been repaired. It's much easier to destroy than to build, so rebuilding trust is a long process. I do believe that forgiveness ultimately clears your own conscious. Holding a grudge can be just as harmful to you as it can to the person you're holding a grudge against. Negative emotions are not healthy!

captainbryce wrote:

My philosophy in life is "forgive and remember". In other words, to forgive is divine but to forget is naive. Forgive a person who does wrong to you, but never forget that wrong so that you can be on your gaurd the next time.

Trust is like a delicate glass and once it has been broken it must be built back up from scratch. You don't have to throw away the peices entirely. You can salvage it if you choose to. But it's not very easy to take a drink from that glass until the damage has been repaired. It's much easier to destroy than to build, so rebuilding trust is a long process. I do believe that forgiveness ultimately clears your own conscious. Holding a grudge can be just as harmful to you as it can to the person you're holding a grudge against. Negative emotions are not healthy!

I think thats a nice sentiment, but some people are just manipulative, conniving, and nasty a-holes... that don't deserve forgiveness.
I'm not talking about petty things... I am talking about people who go out of their way to hurt another person.
That sort of a person to me will never, ever have the opportunity to rebuild trust/friendship/forgivness... i dont hold a grudge, just as another poster said .... that person just ceases to exist.

It depends on what they did. As others have said, I might forgive but probably not forget.