Two nuns go riding bicycles around the Vatican. One nun says to the other, "Funny, I've never come this way before." The second nun goes, "Yeah, I know... it's the cobblestones."
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
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A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" the man replies. "Can you get him for me?" she asks. "I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't", breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him", she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the woman's room."
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Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a
condom about to give his wife some.
Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says,
"Whatcha doin' Daddy?"
Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the
floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says.
Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?"
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Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
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A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the fuck do you think?"
Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:17 am by Chris
» NEW ADDRESS: http://conversationchamber.ipbhost.com/
Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:16 am by Chris
» New project
Sun Mar 17, 2013 2:17 am by wants2laugh
» st pattys day
Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:21 am by Bluesmama
» White smoke signals cardinals have selected a new pope
Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:11 pm by wants2laugh
» Red?
Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:05 pm by Alan Smithee
» Do You Look Like a Celebrity?
Sat Mar 16, 2013 7:57 pm by wants2laugh
» Canned Foods
Sat Mar 16, 2013 2:57 pm by CeCe
» English Muffins or Toast?
Sat Mar 16, 2013 12:45 pm by Nystyle709