Parenting Extremes, which is Worst?

What do you think is worst, a parent who has no control over their kids. Let's them run ramped and do whatever they want. Tries to be a "friend", etc. Or a parent who is so tyrannical that it borders on bullying. The kid is scared to say or do anything. It doesn't keep them from making mistakes but instead causes them to just hide them.

Which parenting extreme do you think is the worst?

femme fatale wrote:What do you think is worst, a parent who has no control over their kids. Let's them run ramped and do whatever they want. Tries to be a "friend", etc. Or a parent who is so tyrannical that it borders on bullying. The kid is scared to say or do anything. It doesn't keep them from making mistakes but instead causes them to just hide them.

Which parenting extreme do you think is the worst?

A parent who has no control over their kids. Let's them run rampant and do whatever they want. Tries to be a "friend", etc.

Exactly, it's hard to find a balance and so my parents tilted more towards the latter example, and I know for a fact we turned out a hell of a lot better than our neighbor's kid whose mom was one of those 'friend' moms who said nobody was EVER going to tell her child no and he would never have limits.

Ugh I hate both extremes but if I had to choose then I hesitate to go with the latter over the former. When I fantasize about having kids, I envision myself being pretty lenient because my dad was the latter. But I can't a scenario that has a parent having control over their kids. I would be affectionate and playful and strive to be someone they could always talk to, but a pushover? No way.

Both extremes meet in the back. Going too far either way, IMO, is equally harmful to a child. Both could breed dangerous individuals.

I guess the tyrant is better than the friend, but both extremes are parenting failures.

The parent who has no control is worse. I work with plenty of kids whose parents are convinced that rules don't exist and kids should be allowed to do whatever they want. It makes the kids pretty unpleasant and the sad thing is, at the school I'm at, there's this one little 5 year old who is SO rude and full of attitude. He's adopted and his parents have spoiled him rotten. He acts like a bratty teenager, complete with attitude and everything. The teachers are trying to get him diagnosed but the parents think he's perfect.

femme fatale wrote:What do you think is worst, a parent who has no control over their kids. Let's them run ramped and do whatever they want. Tries to be a "friend", etc. Or a parent who is so tyrannical that it borders on bullying. The kid is scared to say or do anything. It doesn't keep them from making mistakes but instead causes them to just hide them.

Which parenting extreme do you think is the worst?

The former.

I think the parent who is so tyrannical that it borders on bullying and the kid is scared to say or do anything is worse.

I say that because a lot of kids who run rampant grow out of it and seek structure in their life, whereas kids from the other group tend to go crazy when they get out on their own. It is terrible for a kid to be scared in their own home. And from what I have seen kids who do run rampant often only do that when Mom or Dad are present, and eventually learn that they have to toe the line when they are in settings alone with other adults.

I have babysat for friends who let their kids run wild, and they are just fine here with me alone, then they go nuts when a parent comes back to pick them up.

Well being from a VERY strict religious childhood, I think I turned out alright. I have friends now that let their children do whatever the hell they want. She is 12 and has had boyfriends, swears like a sailor, and lets her do whatever she wants. Her excuse is "My parents let me" Well, now that's a damn fine and dandy excuse. I believe actually that parents should have a balance between scared shitless of their parents (like I was) and letting them run wild. I try and raise my children with morales and values, yet giving them a little independence. But not too much. Too much and the children will run right over ya

The one who has no control over thier kids. I have an aunt who is having trouble with her daughter right now. Just turned 18 and on her second baby.

Nystyle709 wrote:The one who has no control over thier kids. I have an aunt who is having trouble with her daughter right now. Just turned 18 and on her second baby.

I have to agree, I think it's better if the parents have a proverbial tight hold on the leash (but not choking tight) instead of the parents who would go 'what leash?' and have no idea about anything their kids do, where they go, who their friends are, I've seen kids like that and it never turns out well.

Like I said before, I don't like either extreme....but I guess it's better to be tyrannical than negligent (although tyrant, leash-choking parents just end up with kids who resent them and rebel against their values.)