Should Women Allow Men to Make Decisions Sometimes?

By "allow", I more mean "be considerate of" a mans desire to have a certain amount of dominance sometimes and in certain situations. Like when my BF and I go out, I almost always ride passenger to his being in the driver seat. It's not a big deal, but he likes to drive and I think enjoys having the power behind getting us there. With women becoming more and more socially equally to men, is there ever a time when a woman should cordially allow "a man to be a man" and to make final decisions from time time?

lmao...NO.

BUT, the big caveat is that we all should be respectful of one another's feelings and wishes, and if something makes our partner feel good, we should do it, if it's no skin off our back, or even just a little skin off our back, kwim?

If it's not important to you to drive, and it is to him, let him drive, not because he is a man, but just because you love him and care about him.

ITA with this, the possibleploice! It's all about respect, not the gender your are.

I shared about that guy who said he wanted a "traditional" marriage that was equal but his idea turned out to be the husband having absolute dominance, with the woman as totally subservient, obeying the husband, who made ALL of the decisions. He said the woman was not allowed to work and when I tried to point out that in many cases today, both parents needed to work, he said "when the children are in school, THEN you can have a part time job". I felt like telling him that in a marriage in which the husband and wife were equal, this would be somethign that would be discussed, rather than something the husband ordered. I also felt like telling him be better find a time machine and go back at least 150 years to find a women who will be totally subservient to him and never make a decision in the marriage.

There may be some logic in it. No matter how evolved and multifaceted today's man and today's woman is, there is a primal instinct in most men to have decided authority, just like there is a natural instinct in most women to nurture or indulge in emotion. In a relationship, no matter how reclined he generally is or alpha she usually is, each should allot each other a certain respect and consideration in the opposite regard of these characteristics.

I say yes. Both the man and the woman should have input in a relationship.

TSJFan4Ever wrote:ITA with this, the possibleploice! It's all about respect, not the gender your are.

I shared about that guy who said he wanted a "traditional" marriage that was equal but his idea turned out to be the husband having absolute dominance, with the woman as totally subservient, obeying the husband, who made ALL of the decisions. He said the woman was not allowed to work and when I tried to point out that in many cases today, both parents needed to work, he said "when the children are in school, THEN you can have a part time job". I felt like telling him that in a marriage in which the husband and wife were equal, this would be somethign that would be discussed, rather than something the husband ordered. I also felt like telling him be better find a time machine and go back at least 150 years to find a women who will be totally subservient to him and never make a decision in the marriage.

Back when my husband and I were searching for a church, a guy came to our house and invited us to his church. He really misled us about how it was there, I guess because he wanted us to get into the door. I ended up WAY under dressed...When we got there, all the women had hair down to their bums, were wearing ankle length skirts, and none of them spoke as the men shook my husband's hand and welcomed him.

They had a nursery that was in a separate building, and I wasn't comfortable leaving our kids there, at the time we had a 2 year old and a 6 month old, but they really pressured us to do so. After the sermon started I became really uncomfortable with the things that the preacher was saying and it just got to be too much for me so I told my husband that the baby needed a diaper change and asked him to come with me, we were ESCORTED BY SECURITY to the nursery, which only made me even more uncomfortable, and I told my husband that I wanted to leave, right then.

My husband said he felt like he should go say goodbye to the guy, so he went in, and I waited in the car. A while later he came running out and was like "We are getting the heck out of here!"

While he was in there the guy told him that he needed to get me on a tighter leash, that he was the man of the house and had the final say, that our son was going to grow up to be a "faggot" and our daughter was going to be pregnant by 16, just like all the preachers of the more liberal churches kids were. It was a VERY creepy experience...My husband told him that we didn't work that way and he didn't appreciate that kind of language and said that he couldn't believe that the guys wife would put up with that...But then the guy told him that his wife didn't, she was sinful and so they were divorced!

thepossiblepolice wrote:
Back when my husband and I were searching for a church, a guy came to our house and invited us to his church. He really misled us about how it was there, I guess because he wanted us to get into the door. I ended up WAY under dressed...When we got there, all the women had hair down to their bums, were wearing ankle length skirts, and none of them spoke as the men shook my husband's hand and welcomed him.

They had a nursery that was in a separate building, and I wasn't comfortable leaving our kids there, at the time we had a 2 year old and a 6 month old, but they really pressured us to do so. After the sermon started I became really uncomfortable with the things that the preacher was saying and it just got to be too much for me so I told my husband that the baby needed a diaper change and asked him to come with me, we were ESCORTED BY SECURITY to the nursery, which only made me even more uncomfortable, and I told my husband that I wanted to leave, right then.

My husband said he felt like he should go say goodbye to the guy, so he went in, and I waited in the car. A while later he came running out and was like "We are getting the heck out of here!"

While he was in there the guy told him that he needed to get me on a tighter leash, that he was the man of the house and had the final say, that our son was going to grow up to be a "faggot" and our daughter was going to be pregnant by 16, just like all the preachers of the more liberal churches kids were. It was a VERY creepy experience...My husband told him that we didn't work that way and he didn't appreciate that kind of language and said that he couldn't believe that the guys wife would put up with that...But then the guy told him that his wife didn't, she was sinful and so they were divorced!

Sounds more like a cult than a house of worship. Did they offer Kool-Aid?

alan smithee wrote:

thepossiblepolice wrote:
Back when my husband and I were searching for a church, a guy came to our house and invited us to his church. He really misled us about how it was there, I guess because he wanted us to get into the door. I ended up WAY under dressed...When we got there, all the women had hair down to their bums, were wearing ankle length skirts, and none of them spoke as the men shook my husband's hand and welcomed him.

They had a nursery that was in a separate building, and I wasn't comfortable leaving our kids there, at the time we had a 2 year old and a 6 month old, but they really pressured us to do so. After the sermon started I became really uncomfortable with the things that the preacher was saying and it just got to be too much for me so I told my husband that the baby needed a diaper change and asked him to come with me, we were ESCORTED BY SECURITY to the nursery, which only made me even more uncomfortable, and I told my husband that I wanted to leave, right then.



My husband said he felt like he should go say goodbye to the guy, so he went in, and I waited in the car. A while later he came running out and was like "We are getting the heck out of here!"

While he was in there the guy told him that he needed to get me on a tighter leash, that he was the man of the house and had the final say, that our son was going to grow up to be a "faggot" and our daughter was going to be pregnant by 16, just like all the preachers of the more liberal churches kids were. It was a VERY creepy experience...My husband told him that we didn't work that way and he didn't appreciate that kind of language and said that he couldn't believe that the guys wife would put up with that...But then the guy told him that his wife didn't, she was sinful and so they were divorced!

Sounds more like a cult than a house of worship. Did they offer Kool-Aid?

We didn't stay around to find out! The security was so strange, for a church. It was just really weird...And since I've done research and found out that they are called a cult by some people.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Testament_Christian_Churches_of_America

No, I don't go out of my way to let him make decisions, as sometimes he does, sometimes I do. We just have a system that works, utilizing each of our strengths to the highest degree. I think that is how things just default to in many long term relationships. When we were first dating, I am sure I asked him his take on things more.

thepossiblepolice wrote:Back when my husband and I were searching for a church, a guy came to our house and invited us to his church. He really misled us about how it was there, I guess because he wanted us to get into the door. I ended up WAY under dressed...When we got there, all the women had hair down to their bums, were wearing ankle length skirts, and none of them spoke as the men shook my husband's hand and welcomed him...

Sounds like the kind of church this guy would belong in, given their outdated attitudes toward woman. They sound as narrow-minded and old-fashioned as this guy.

TSJFan4Ever wrote:

thepossiblepolice wrote:Back when my husband and I were searching for a church, a guy came to our house and invited us to his church. He really misled us about how it was there, I guess because he wanted us to get into the door. I ended up WAY under dressed...When we got there, all the women had hair down to their bums, were wearing ankle length skirts, and none of them spoke as the men shook my husband's hand and welcomed him...

Sounds like the kind of church this guy would belong in, given their outdated attitudes toward woman. They sound as narrow-minded and old-fashioned as this guy.

yeah, he definitely was comfortable there, but it was just really creepy to me. I definitely had a "discerning" moment when we were there and I'm glad I trusted my instincts...I didn't bother googling the church until years later when their van kept showing up on our street and at the grocery store and other places that I went and I got a little paranoid that they were following me.

thepossiblepolice wrote:

TSJFan4Ever wrote:

Sounds like the kind of church this guy would belong in, given their outdated attitudes toward woman. They sound as narrow-minded and old-fashioned as this guy.

yeah, he definitely was comfortable there, but it was just really creepy to me. I definitely had a "discerning" moment when we were there and I'm glad I trusted my instincts...I didn't bother googling the church until years later when their van kept showing up on our street and at the grocery store and other places that I went and I got a little paranoid that they were following me.

eeeeee!!! We have one of those here. Before I finally just gave up on organized religion we stopped by one Sunday morning to check them out. Hadn't heard anything about them but they were nearby. So the minute we actually encounter a person, I. am. serious. the woman looked at me & said "The women keep silent here." She went on to say they serve refreshments after the service & "help the men when they want us to." We did make the mistake of filling out one of those visitor cards when we first walked in & they were ringing that doorbell every time I turned around. They're creepy.

CatEyes10736 wrote:By "allow", I more mean "be considerate of" a mans desire to have a certain amount of dominance sometimes and in certain situations. Like when my BF and I go out, I almost always ride passenger to his being in the driver seat. It's not a big deal, but he likes to drive and I think enjoys having the power behind getting us there. With women becoming more and more socially equally to men, is there ever a time when a woman should cordially allow "a man to be a man" and to make final decisions from time time?

Yes. Neither sex should have complete control over anything - women should have say in some things as men should have say in some things. I also think it's important to a man's ego for him to have some control or he might feel effeminate. Just my take on that one. But one thing's for certain - and it may not be right to say - we've all seen what happens when men make those final decisions

CeCe wrote:

thepossiblepolice wrote:

yeah, he definitely was comfortable there, but it was just really creepy to me. I definitely had a "discerning" moment when we were there and I'm glad I trusted my instincts...I didn't bother googling the church until years later when their van kept showing up on our street and at the grocery store and other places that I went and I got a little paranoid that they were following me.

eeeeee!!! We have one of those here. Before I finally just gave up on organized religion we stopped by one Sunday morning to check them out. Hadn't heard anything about them but they were nearby. So the minute we actually encounter a person, I. am. serious. the woman looked at me & said "The women keep silent here." She went on to say they serve refreshments after the service & "help the men when they want us to." We did make the mistake of filling out one of those visitor cards when we first walked in & they were ringing that doorbell every time I turned around. They're creepy.

See, I'm not the only one!!

thepossiblepolice wrote:

See, I'm not the only one!!

If you ever encounter them again, show 'em your tats. They'll run like hell!

thepossiblepolice wrote:yeah, he definitely was comfortable there, but it was just really creepy to me. I definitely had a "discerning" moment when we were there and I'm glad I trusted my instincts...I didn't bother googling the church until years later when their van kept showing up on our street and at the grocery store and other places that I went and I got a little paranoid that they were following me.

Sounds scary! I bet they were. I made the mistake of accepting a Book of Mormon once because I was curious about what was inside of it. It took me months to get them off my back. This girl I knew offered to send missionaries over to me once, too, and I told her quite firmly that I wasn't interested. You can always tell when it's... whatever time it's called when the kids have to go off and do their missionary service- usually in the spring. All of a sudden young people with HUGE nametags will start showing up for a couple of months. Not sure where they go after that, but the nametags are easy to spot because they're double the size of most nametags and the guys are always dressed REALLY nicely.

I have never seen this forum before, but I did a google search about control in relationship and I saw this. I was compelled to register to comment on this because I was a little shocked by what I read.

The title of the thread is pretty weird. "Should women allow men to make decision sometimes." The poster seems to have presupposed that women have the ability to allow men to make decisions (or not), and the fact that the general terms "women" and "men" were used implies that this applies across the board. I'm sure this is true for some people, but it certainly is not true for my relationship. Both my girlfriend and I are dominant alpha types, but I do not take any orders from her, and and I generally make the decisions in our relationship.

I don't think anyone should assume that women are the ones who get to decide how much decision making power their men have. This is different for everyone.

Cat explained what she meant by "allow" in the first sentence.

Her explanation affirmed what the title says. She said: "By 'allow', I more mean 'be considerate of' a mans desire to have a certain amount of dominance sometimes and in certain situations."

Why is it considered normal on this forum to assume that women are able to "be considerate" of a man's desire be dominant? The implication is that women are usually the dominant party in a relationship and they may choose to "be considerate" of a man's desire to make decisions "sometimes and in certain situations."

Consider the final questions she posed: "is there ever a time when a woman should cordially allow 'a man to be a man' and to make final decisions from time time?" Once again she has assumed that women in relationships are able to make a conscious choice to give up some power to their man. Very strange, in my opinion.

"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy."