Getting a "pitch a fit" pass for the holidays

Should people who've recently lost a loved one (or haven't processed an older loss) get a "freebie" during the holidays if their behavior leaves a lot to be desired? Meaning, one minute they're nice and the next they're cursing you out and all you did was ask how they're doing?

I try to use more discretion during the holidays because I understand someone going through that kind of pain may not know how to verbalize it, or take their frustrations out on unsuspecting loved ones--and the holidays do tend to exacerbate those feelings. But at the same time, there's only so much abuse I can take, so even though I feel guilty about saying it, I do speak up if I feel like I'm being used a punching bag, and hope they don't hate me in the morning. But sometimes it's hard to remember who you're dealing with and keep your cool if they're constantly taking your head off.

well... i have been more emotional this holiday due to loss... but i make it a point to remember to respect others. Just because my world stopped, doesnt mean that everyone else's has. That is one thing that i had to deal with... the anger that life could go on.

Other people's problems should not affect you and does not give them license for abuse. if you feel compassionate enough to dismiss one's behavior that is nice of you, but you can only do it for so long

I suppose I'm going to sound like an incompassionate bitch, but losing a loved is NOT a free pass to being an asshole! And I developed these feelings after seeing all the bullshit that went on in my husband's family when his mother died. I was in awe. No excuse at all for any of it. I had no desire to behave in this manner when my daughter died; I had support from numerous people who felt awkward but did the best they could, and I appreciated it.

FireIce918, I don't think you should have to tolerate it. But what would you say to them, and how you would say it, is to your discretion.

Honestly, I don't think anyone should get a pass for continually acting like a jerk just for the hell of it. If they have suffered a loss, or are going through a trying time, it can be understandable that their mood wouldn't be in the best place and I would take that into consideration before lashing back; but if there are behaving like a loose cannon or are being perpetually nasty, then it's best that they stay away from me until they can move past that.

^ All of the above.

Great answers!

I have someone in my life (or should I say, had) who's behavior I just couldn't tolerate anymore. I agree that everyone's world doesn't stop just because yours did. Unfortunately I had to lay the law down on Christmas, of all days. To sound a bit childish, he started it--all I did was say "Merry Christmas to you as well"!

I'm inclined to believe that people who consistently use their hard luck as an excuse to be rude are just rude in general, but are probably good at hiding it until shit hits the fan.