Would you welcome a half-sibling into the family who was the product of one of your parents extramarital affair? If your other parent (who was cheated on) indicated to you that they would rather you didn't communicate with said sibling, would that be enough for you to not?

I do have a brother out there somewhere & I would definitely welcome him. I don't care what any other family members think about that.

At this point in my life? As long as the person was decent/likable to begin with. Otherwise I would acknowledge them but they’re probably not getting invited to my family functions. If I found out my brother wasn't my father's son, I would still hug him tightly.

Alan Smithee wrote:

At this point in my life? As long as the person was decent/likable to begin with. Otherwise I would acknowledge them but they’re probably not getting invited to my family functions. If I found out my brother wasn't my father's son, I would still hug him tightly.

Awww.

I'd be curious to meet them and if I found that they were likable and seemed worth knowing, I would embrace them. Far as my parent asking me to not have a relationship with them going, I'm an adult and I'll have in my life who I please. If it's that much of an issue for them, then I would just not bring this other sib around the rest of the family.

^^^ What she said.

I'd be willing to meet them. How much I sought to know them after that initial meeting would depend on how much we bonded during it. Far as my not having a relationship w/them at the behest of my scorned parent…meh…I can't imagine either of my parents being that selfish and vindictive to insist such a thing. If they did, like Cat said, I might scale back on speaking of them around that parent, but I wouldn't refuse to have anything to do with them because of it.

I'd want to meet them.

One the other side of the coin, I had a friend that all thru school was an overachiever cause she was trying to gain mom's approval. She swore her mom hated her. When she went to college, she needed a copy of her birth certificate and felt that her dad was dragging his feet, so ordered it herself. Her mom was not her bio mom. Turned out the father cheated on his wife, had her with another woman, then brought her home for the wife to raise. years later, they had a bio son together... and my friend always felt the difference between them. Once she found out... her dad told her to get out, that he put the wife thru enough hell having raised her, and that he would only pay for one years college tuition. What an ass!

wants2laugh wrote:

I'd want to meet them.

One the other side of the coin, I had a friend that all thru school was an overachiever cause she was trying to gain mom's approval. She swore her mom hated her. When she went to college, she needed a copy of her birth certificate and felt that her dad was dragging his feet, so ordered it herself. Her mom was not her bio mom. Turned out the father cheated on his wife, had her with another woman, then brought her home for the wife to raise. years later, they had a bio son together... and my friend always felt the difference between them. Once she found out... her dad told her to get out, that he put the wife thru enough hell having raised her, and that he would only pay for one years college tuition. What an ass!

WOOOOOOOOOW! What a DICK! Holy shit thats just insane!!!

From what my father told me in his final months, he has a son with a woman he was cheating on my Mama with for years and years. I met the woman several times after my Mama died. She is from St. Maarten and she was married at the time her and my father were carrying on. She even came to my father's funeral. All I know about him is his name is "Chris" (Yep) and he is somewhere around 19 years old and bi-racial. If my Mama had known about it and asked me not to bother I would have respected her wishes. I know she knew he was cheating on her but as a lot of women she just turned her back on it and basically ignored it. I know it hurt her a lot too. I am open to meeting him but since my father passed I have not seen or heard from this woman anymore so I guess I will never know. You guys are the first I have ever told this to!!

TheEnglishButterfly wrote:

WOOOOOOOOOW! What a DICK! Holy shit thats just insane!!!

Yeah, double down on that! Man, I hope that poor girl realizes her worth and finds someone to love her. On her way out the door, I hope she told her "mother", "At least I know why you've hated me all my life and I'm sorry but it wasn't MY fault. You're the one whose stuck with the shithead."

Alan Smithee wrote:

...On her way out the door, I hope she told her "mother", "At least I know why you've hated me all my life and I'm sorry but it wasn't MY fault. You're the one whose stuck with the shithead."

Probably not. My sister was born under slightly similar circumstances. My parents were separated when the old man jumped into bed with some broad he worked with and created her. For a long time I wanted little to do with her because in my mind accepting her would have been like letting him off the hook and I wanted him to know for sure that I thought that whole situation was tacky.

...and they were separated. If this had been an extra marital affair, then I probably would have thought worse than "tacky."

Tony Marino wrote:

From what my father told me in his final months, he has a son with a woman he was cheating on my Mama with for years and years. I met the woman several times after my Mama died. She is from St. Maarten and she was married at the time her and my father were carrying on. She even came to my father's funeral. All I know about him is his name is "Chris" (Yep) and he is somewhere around 19 years old and bi-racial. If my Mama had known about it and asked me not to bother I would have respected her wishes. I know she knew he was cheating on her but as a lot of women she just turned her back on it and basically ignored it. I know it hurt her a lot too. I am open to meeting him but since my father passed I have not seen or heard from this woman anymore so I guess I will never know. You guys are the first I have ever told this to!!

What a difficult situation, Tony. I am sure it was very difficult to have her attend your father's service.

Like you, I wouldn't have contacted a sibling if Mom had requested me not to.

RedBedroom wrote:

What a difficult situation, Tony. I am sure it was very difficult to have her attend your father's service.

Like you, I wouldn't have contacted a sibling if Mom had requested me not to.

Once I got used to the idea that my father cheated on my mother and actually met the woman it was a bit easier. I never really forgave him for his cheating ways but I had to accept what it was for what it was. I know she cared about my father, even though what they did was wrong but I could not deny her seeing him one last time, that I got from my Mama, a good heart.

well tony, glad you got her good heart from mama

as for my friend... i wish i could find her. After she couldnt afford college, she dropped out and met and married an older guy and they opened an interior design store in parsippany. he started beating her, and i offered for her to stay with me... but she would too proud to take handouts. i was married at the time, and i think that bothered her---seeing me in a decent relationship at the time was kinda painful for her.

i havent been able to find her in 15yrs... tried the internet, FB, white pages. I dont even know what name she is going by anymore... tried her classmates from high school... nothing

Tony Marino wrote:

Once I got used to the idea that my father cheated on my mother and actually met the woman it was a bit easier. I never really forgave him for his cheating ways but I had to accept what it was for what it was. I know she cared about my father, even though what they did was wrong but I could not deny her seeing him one last time, that I got from my Mama, a good heart.

Oh, Tony, you do have a good heart....and I don't mean I know this only from this instance...you are one great guy. I can't imagine you could be a better son that you are. My father wasn't faithful either and one of his long term girlfriends died when we still lived in Chicago. She had cancer. I had to watch him grieve her. So did Mom, obviously, but I truly don't even recall Mom's reaction to the death.